I had an interesting conversation with the lady who cuts my hair today. I have been going to her 3-4 times a year (I prefer a short hair style so paying to have my hair cut is one of the luxuries I allow myself) for about 5 years I suppose. Today when talking about when this next baby is due and about how this is baby number 7, we ended up taking the subject of pregnancy much further than is usually considered "appropriate public conversation." She is a very energetic, kind middle-age woman who loves life, enjoys her grandchildren and works hard as the owner of the salon. Fortunately her other employees were out on break and lunch and there was no one else around, it was just the two of us having this interesting conversation.
There was no sense of one of us 'telling' the other what to do, nor of making suggestions and we were not debating despite being on different sides of the issues, we were just having a conversation and sharing personal stories. It was a change of pace for me and it got me thinking about how many people feel the same as this woman.
When birth control came up, it was easy for me to mention the negative effects hormone treatment has on women in my family physically. From there I threw in the environmental impact hormones (and other drugs) are having on the ecosystem and pointed out how unhealthy it is not only for the plants and animals, but for people who are having their bodies messed with as they interact with the environment. Then I mentioned my step-mother-in-law who was recently diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer - she received hormone treatment for menopause which is the suspected culprit at this point. None of my logical reasons brought religion into it and while my Catholicism is a huge part of why I don't use standard forms of birth control, it is usually not helpful in the kind of conversation I was having to throw that in there. The Church has sound reasons why birth control is bad, and your average American will actually have discussions on those logical reasons, but they shut down if you use the excuse "My religion tells me to" and what is worse, by using that reason they tend to stereotype all religions with such rules as bad and their followers as mindless drones - unless you argue the logical reasons first.
Anyway, she agreed with me on the devastation of hormonal birth control and told me how hard it was for her to conceive and stated proudly that she had never used birth control (she has been happily married for 30 years). What she said next threw me a bit though. She said she is very pro-choice, it isn't any of her business what people do in their own lives...and the government shouldn't make rules about it either. I told her that I agreed completely that the government should mind its own business (which means she believes Roe v Wade should be overturned though I didn't say that in this conversation), esp the federal government. I then told her one of the reasons why I believe parental consent laws should be in place (someone close to me had an abortion at 15, didn't tell her parents and after bleeding heavily for 3 months finally said something though not about the abortion, and was taken to her doctor and was treated. Fortunately the bleeding wasn't heavy enough to have put her in the hospital or killed her, but it emphasizes the importance of having a complete medical history). I don't remember where we went from there - I didn't get into my personal feelings on the issue, though we agreed by the end of the conversation that being "too young" or poor or addicted to drugs, etc didn't mean the baby wouldn't have a good life, in fact it didn't impact whether the baby 'should' be born or not. She also restated how much she loves her grandchildren and Life (she raised one of her grandchildren for almost 10 years before her daughter got back on the straight and narrow).
The conversation left me with the feeling that a lot of "pro-choicer's" feel similarly. To them abortion isn't about the baby, it is about personal freedom. They fear losing the ability to make their own choices, so they defend the supposed 'right' for someone to murder a baby. I wonder how she feels about criminals being tried for 2 murders when a pregnant mom is killed, or about the history of Planned Parenthood (esp the racial prejudices), or even about the huge percentage of girls and teenagers and minorities who end up being the ones to get abortions, then there is the whole issue of the federal government giving money to organizations like Planned Parenthood and paying for medical insurance that provides abortions for the poor (which it does right now). There may be another time to discuss these things with her, or I can drop little hints like suggesting she watch MAAFA 21 next time I see her...so many options...
I also wonder how much farther the Pro-life movement will get if we can focus on getting the government to mind its own business - or at least approach some Life issues from that point of view (even if Pro-life is not mentioned at all). As the tea parties and town hall meetings have been demonstrating, people are sick and tired of the government telling them what to do, how to think and taking their hard earned money against their will to use it as it wants. People recognize the lack of difference between Democrat and Republican, they want more control over their lives and money and they want real representatives in the government. What a fantastic time to win people over to the side of getting the government out of Life decisions.
I am reminded of a Zomblog (Libertarian blogger) post a friend told me about recently that said in relation to National Healthcare:
"under normal circumstances I would sigh in mystification and let other people go their merry way, killing themselves with bad food. Yet once I start to ponder the overwhelming society-wide medical costs of keeping millions of unhealthy people alive for decades and decades, my anger grows. I want to ban advertisements for unhealthy foods on TV. I want to outlaw donuts. I want to tax McDonald’s to cover the full environmental cost of their products. I want to do all sorts of quasi-fascistic things that normally I would never advocate.
Because that’s what socialized medicine does: it turns each of us into a little fascist. A nagging nanny who tells other people what to do and how to live."
I tend to agree with this point of view on many, many issues. You cannot successfully legislate personal responsibility, or a change in attitudes and opinions. By getting the government to step back and put power back into the hands of the people - because they have no choice but to take responsibility for themselves and their children, I believe we can get back onto the track laid by our Founding Fathers. Will there be drawbacks and people who fall through the cracks? Undoubtedly, and that is where Christians and other well meaning people and non-profits can step in and help, it is where they have helped for years and the money not taken in taxes will come back to communities who can do so much more with less money than is currently being spent by the federal government on social services.
I know I do not have a lot of experience in this area, so my political ideas may be off on what can/should be done - and will likely change as I learn more and pick up newer ideas. However, these were just random thoughts that came to me today that I wanted to write down.
Below is the 1st clip of the MAAFA 21 documentary. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
OK, Maybe that Wasn't the Best Deal to Make...
On our way home from Mass yesterday my 11 year old was complaining about giving up treats for Lent (something we haven't done before), so I reminded him Sundays and Feast days are ok for small treats. Being the kind of child he is, he said there were Feast days almost everyday, so that is a foolish rule. After some more discussion back and forth, I told him that if he can find a Saint and tell us about their life and why they were special, then we would celebrate that day as a Feast day. I did add the caveat that he has to have the information mostly memorized, he cannot just read from a webpage, so hopefully the 11 year old's laziness will limit the number of Feast days we have during this Lent.
Worst case, he learns a lot about various Saints who normally do not have their Feast days celebrated - and I find another way for us to fast during Lent.
Worst case, he learns a lot about various Saints who normally do not have their Feast days celebrated - and I find another way for us to fast during Lent.
How Do We Learn?
I have always loved the comparison of learning to walk with any other learning in life. I very much see learning as something we are naturally made to do. We will not all pick up the same things nor learn in the same way, but whether we like it or not we are all learning all the time.
A baby learns to walk not by official lessons and textbook reading, but by exploration and being allowed to fail over and over until they get it right. Babies have different ways of starting out, some crawl on hands and feet, some cruise, some just get up and walk, and they do it at different times some at 8 months, others at 16 months or even later. However they approach walking, all of the ones physically able to will eventually figure it out because they see most people around them walking and are allowed to explore it in their own way. When they finally manage to get on 2 feet they will fall a lot. It takes time to work out balance and get comfortable with walking, yet there are few parents who would criticize every misstep or fall. Overwhelmingly, parents are supportive and excited that their baby is trying. They don't focus on how many times the child has fallen, but count the steps taken. They focus on the positive and almost ignore the failures - even though the failures far outweigh the successes. When a parent is concerned or upset that their baby isn't walking at the 'right' time, they are reassured by grandparents, doctors, friends, etc that there is a range for a reason and it will be ok. How I wish society approached education and learning in general this way.
When it came to reading and writing, I ended up taking a count-the-steps-taken approach with my dyslexic who has been free to work on reading and writing as she wants for almost her entire education. I say almost because we didn't start homeschooling with that approach in mind. I had been a preschool teacher with the nifty little college certificate, so I "knew" how to teach. Ariana struggled with writing her letters as the lessons wanted, so we switched to other games and lessons and then others still to try and get letter names and sounds covered. The problem was, she could not 'get it' in a reasonable amount of time (on top of being dyslexic she is also a perfectionist and doesn't like to be wrong). After a few weeks of both of us almost ending up in tears as we struggled through the letters and numbers, I realized I either had to give up on homeschooling altogether or change my approach. I suppose it helped that Ariana was in a Girl Scout troop of mostly unschoolers, so they were very supportive of a different approach. I backed off, read to her every day, read on my own for pleasure (as did her dad) and waited for her to show an interest in reading and writing. Due in part to the damage done in the beginning, she didn't approach me with reading or writing for years, but she made progress on her own.
As she had more interest in what she saw in the books we read, she started writing little notes or stories of her own. First it was mostly pictures to convey what she was trying to say, then she would sound out words and spell them very badly (a lot of the odd spelling came from a little girl we babysat who was not afraid of being wrong - which rubbed off on Ariana a bit). I was so excited that she was writing that I didn't worry about the spelling when she proudly showed me her work. I suppose the written notes that she would deliver to her siblings and to me and her dad started when she was about 7. The homeschool Girl Scout troop occasionally had assignments where the girls would present their gathered information however they chose, whether through drawings, acting it out, writing it or just talking about it. So Ariana began adding writing to her pictures for those activities as well. She picked up things from the older girls (or group had girls from age 5 to 12 altogether) when they worked in groups, and no one worried about correct grammar or spelling - the girls figured it out through trial and error as they read what they wrote to each other and to the group. By 10 Ariana still spelled things pretty badly (though much improved over her 7 year old spelling), but she was starting to ask how certain words were spelled so that she could get it down correctly.
About that same time (age 10) Ariana discovered audio books and was so fascinated with the stories that she started picking up books to try and figure them out (she had the basics down from writing practice). Her vocabulary improved and things like sentence structure and story-telling really blossomed. Now at 13 she adds to a private journal regularly, always has something she is reading as well as something she is listening to. Recently she finished Ender's Game (on audio) and really enjoyed it and understood the more complicated themes within the book. When I am done reading Ender's Shadow I will pass it along to her in case she wants to read it. Ariana's spelling has also improved over time. She cares about what she writes and wants the reader to know what she is saying, so she takes her time and if necessary asks how to spell certain words. She rarely misspells a word and while her penmanship and writing speed could use work, she really has figured out the basics and enjoys writing - though she is probably writing at a bit lower level than her public school peers (not knowing kids her level in public school makes it hard to tell).
When I compare that to my sister's experience with dyslexia in public school it is like night and day. My sister was facing being moved to the special education classes for 2nd grade because she hadn't learned to read yet (there were no programs for dyslexia then), so her 1st grade teacher worked with her after school and my mom paid hundreds of dollars a month (that we didn't have) to a tutor to help my sister learn to read. She made it, though barely and she never liked reading or writing. She struggled through high school and got Bs and Cs with the occasional A (usually for art, drama or other creative subjects), and only in her mid 20s discovered that she liked reading books. She told me she was 23 before she willingly picked up a book and finished it just because she wanted to.
I knew I didn't want to push my oldest into the kind of frustration and damage caused by what my sister went through, so I let go. I let go of what I assumed to be important in her education and trusted that she would get it at some point. I did my best to provide an environment where reading and writing were used everyday in useful ways as well as for pleasure, so Ariana saw and experienced the value of reading and writing everyday. Just as with walking, she saw it was important and strived to figure it out because of the example she saw around her not just from her parents, but from friends and in the world at large.
A baby learns to walk not by official lessons and textbook reading, but by exploration and being allowed to fail over and over until they get it right. Babies have different ways of starting out, some crawl on hands and feet, some cruise, some just get up and walk, and they do it at different times some at 8 months, others at 16 months or even later. However they approach walking, all of the ones physically able to will eventually figure it out because they see most people around them walking and are allowed to explore it in their own way. When they finally manage to get on 2 feet they will fall a lot. It takes time to work out balance and get comfortable with walking, yet there are few parents who would criticize every misstep or fall. Overwhelmingly, parents are supportive and excited that their baby is trying. They don't focus on how many times the child has fallen, but count the steps taken. They focus on the positive and almost ignore the failures - even though the failures far outweigh the successes. When a parent is concerned or upset that their baby isn't walking at the 'right' time, they are reassured by grandparents, doctors, friends, etc that there is a range for a reason and it will be ok. How I wish society approached education and learning in general this way.
When it came to reading and writing, I ended up taking a count-the-steps-taken approach with my dyslexic who has been free to work on reading and writing as she wants for almost her entire education. I say almost because we didn't start homeschooling with that approach in mind. I had been a preschool teacher with the nifty little college certificate, so I "knew" how to teach. Ariana struggled with writing her letters as the lessons wanted, so we switched to other games and lessons and then others still to try and get letter names and sounds covered. The problem was, she could not 'get it' in a reasonable amount of time (on top of being dyslexic she is also a perfectionist and doesn't like to be wrong). After a few weeks of both of us almost ending up in tears as we struggled through the letters and numbers, I realized I either had to give up on homeschooling altogether or change my approach. I suppose it helped that Ariana was in a Girl Scout troop of mostly unschoolers, so they were very supportive of a different approach. I backed off, read to her every day, read on my own for pleasure (as did her dad) and waited for her to show an interest in reading and writing. Due in part to the damage done in the beginning, she didn't approach me with reading or writing for years, but she made progress on her own.
As she had more interest in what she saw in the books we read, she started writing little notes or stories of her own. First it was mostly pictures to convey what she was trying to say, then she would sound out words and spell them very badly (a lot of the odd spelling came from a little girl we babysat who was not afraid of being wrong - which rubbed off on Ariana a bit). I was so excited that she was writing that I didn't worry about the spelling when she proudly showed me her work. I suppose the written notes that she would deliver to her siblings and to me and her dad started when she was about 7. The homeschool Girl Scout troop occasionally had assignments where the girls would present their gathered information however they chose, whether through drawings, acting it out, writing it or just talking about it. So Ariana began adding writing to her pictures for those activities as well. She picked up things from the older girls (or group had girls from age 5 to 12 altogether) when they worked in groups, and no one worried about correct grammar or spelling - the girls figured it out through trial and error as they read what they wrote to each other and to the group. By 10 Ariana still spelled things pretty badly (though much improved over her 7 year old spelling), but she was starting to ask how certain words were spelled so that she could get it down correctly.
About that same time (age 10) Ariana discovered audio books and was so fascinated with the stories that she started picking up books to try and figure them out (she had the basics down from writing practice). Her vocabulary improved and things like sentence structure and story-telling really blossomed. Now at 13 she adds to a private journal regularly, always has something she is reading as well as something she is listening to. Recently she finished Ender's Game (on audio) and really enjoyed it and understood the more complicated themes within the book. When I am done reading Ender's Shadow I will pass it along to her in case she wants to read it. Ariana's spelling has also improved over time. She cares about what she writes and wants the reader to know what she is saying, so she takes her time and if necessary asks how to spell certain words. She rarely misspells a word and while her penmanship and writing speed could use work, she really has figured out the basics and enjoys writing - though she is probably writing at a bit lower level than her public school peers (not knowing kids her level in public school makes it hard to tell).
When I compare that to my sister's experience with dyslexia in public school it is like night and day. My sister was facing being moved to the special education classes for 2nd grade because she hadn't learned to read yet (there were no programs for dyslexia then), so her 1st grade teacher worked with her after school and my mom paid hundreds of dollars a month (that we didn't have) to a tutor to help my sister learn to read. She made it, though barely and she never liked reading or writing. She struggled through high school and got Bs and Cs with the occasional A (usually for art, drama or other creative subjects), and only in her mid 20s discovered that she liked reading books. She told me she was 23 before she willingly picked up a book and finished it just because she wanted to.
I knew I didn't want to push my oldest into the kind of frustration and damage caused by what my sister went through, so I let go. I let go of what I assumed to be important in her education and trusted that she would get it at some point. I did my best to provide an environment where reading and writing were used everyday in useful ways as well as for pleasure, so Ariana saw and experienced the value of reading and writing everyday. Just as with walking, she saw it was important and strived to figure it out because of the example she saw around her not just from her parents, but from friends and in the world at large.
Friday, February 12, 2010
40 Trash Bags for Lent
The idea is to get rid of 40 bags of stuff from around the house during Lent. I did reasonably well last year, and I hope to actually reach 40 bags this year. This fantastic idea came from Simply Catholic, and I may even join in the "support group" officially this year.
The catch for this year is that I am almost on bedrest right now. Apparently moving and fixing the couch was a bit too much, and my body cried "Uncle!" the next day. I can still be up and moving around, but I cannot lift much and am supposed to rest more than anything else. I also managed to catch a cold that has now become a sinus infection so I really need to work on the rest thing. My midwife is ok with a home birth at 36 weeks (though she emphasized 37 is better) with my history, so I figure there are only 6 weeks left, then I can get back to the normal routine.
So, I get to try and gather 40 bags without lifting or moving around too much. I love a challenge. The kids will be helping quite a bit I am sure, and I will try and rope my husband in too. Worst case I can finish the 40 bags in the last 9 days of Lent...well...maybe not finish, but at least make a dent.
My oldest has a friend coming to help her finish her room, since painting is not something I can do right now, and hopefully it will get done or very close to it by the end of the weekend. I'm sure while moving her into the new room we will find some things to put in the bags.
Then of course there are the clothes, the 10 or so boxes I have set aside in the garage and the 8 falling apart boxes of stuff that Jeff hasn't looked at in years...
The catch for this year is that I am almost on bedrest right now. Apparently moving and fixing the couch was a bit too much, and my body cried "Uncle!" the next day. I can still be up and moving around, but I cannot lift much and am supposed to rest more than anything else. I also managed to catch a cold that has now become a sinus infection so I really need to work on the rest thing. My midwife is ok with a home birth at 36 weeks (though she emphasized 37 is better) with my history, so I figure there are only 6 weeks left, then I can get back to the normal routine.
So, I get to try and gather 40 bags without lifting or moving around too much. I love a challenge. The kids will be helping quite a bit I am sure, and I will try and rope my husband in too. Worst case I can finish the 40 bags in the last 9 days of Lent...well...maybe not finish, but at least make a dent.
My oldest has a friend coming to help her finish her room, since painting is not something I can do right now, and hopefully it will get done or very close to it by the end of the weekend. I'm sure while moving her into the new room we will find some things to put in the bags.
Then of course there are the clothes, the 10 or so boxes I have set aside in the garage and the 8 falling apart boxes of stuff that Jeff hasn't looked at in years...
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Something New
My kids used to love Spelling Time back when they were small and it was free. Since then the kids have bugged me about when they will get to do it again, so I decided to try out a month of the new program that offers 4 classes in exchange for my review. We are looking forward to how the next month goes! Here is the disclaimer for me to get the kids started:
I’ve been invited to try Time4Learning’s online curriculum for one month in exchange for a candid review. My opinion will be entirely my own so be sure to come back and read my experience with Time4Learning’s educational program. Click to find out more or if you would like to apply to be considered for a review.
I’ve been invited to try Time4Learning’s online curriculum for one month in exchange for a candid review. My opinion will be entirely my own so be sure to come back and read my experience with Time4Learning’s educational program. Click to find out more or if you would like to apply to be considered for a review.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Nature vs Routine and Schedules
This article about forming good habits in children was posted on one of the Homeschool groups I belong to, and I figured I'd post my thoughts here as well as to that group. I am not opposed to schedules and routines, and as I've said before I have seen the good that can come from them and try to keep up with some form of a routine within my own home. However, to me this article (while it doesn't openly specify "schooling") implies that "school" is one of the things that must fit in the little box allowed in the daily routine. I have seen so many homeschool families struggle because they feel that pressure to make the daily routine work, so I took this as a challenge to which I had to reply.
I agree with Mr. Michael's premise, but his conclusions make me wonder if he has any children or has had any kind of regular interaction with children.
We all need routine. We need to know what to expect and kids especially need to have things they can rely on (like Mom and Dad are going to stay together until "death do them part"). However, in the article the main arguments seem to be based upon natural rhythms more than man-made routine. Nature is cyclic and this universe created by God for us, is designed to meet our needs (or you can take the evolution POV that still concludes we are very much designed to live on this world). We know Spring follows Winter and that day will follow night and this knowledge brings us comfort and helps us plan our survival without relying on animal instincts. Routine, however, is a man-made creation that allows us to utilize natural rhythms to their fullest extent. With routines people have been able to care for their families and communities through farming and creating/selling goods which leads to robust civilizations.
It is great to strive for as much routine as fits for your family, but keep balance in mind. Just as the seasons have variations (summers too hot that kill all the plants needed for harvest or too cold so not enough grows) so do our lives. You have to be flexible to deal with illnesses, a new baby, visitors for an extended period, a job loss, etc, and you have to keep our modern age in perspective. As much as I love the idea of living in small communities where we grow a lot of our own food, raise our own animals for food and/or clothing and trade with neighbors for anything else we need, I do not believe all the trimmings of "Modern Society" are evil or bad.
We have doctors who can cure many illnesses that used to kill people, esp children. We have engineers and scientists who have created a safer building, car, better farming practices so that things like the Dust Bowl are unlikely to happen again. If those brilliant researchers and inventors had had to dedicate their lives to farming just to feed their own families, would we really be better off? Also, the internet allows us to stay connected in many ways. We can learn about the latest advances in science, medicine, etc; follow what the Pope (or Archbishop) has to say on issues or situations; learn more about our Church and Faith; keep in touch with family and friends who have had to move away for one reason or another and so on. These are not bad things, however, if you spend most of your days obsessing over these things (even learning) or looking up things that diminish your soul instead of enhancing it, that is bad and can be evil.
Having all the options offered by modern technology puts us in the situation where there are no natural rhythms, so as a parent you have to be that much more vigilant to make sure you don't neglect those natural rhythms, nor the routines that allow us to use those rhythms to their fullest extent.
It is wonderful to have a "school schedule" with all your daily subjects, the Liturgy of the Hours and daily Mass as well as meals intertwined perfectly every day, but it really isn't feasible for most families - nor should it be if you look at the way nature is designed. Any homeschooling parent will tell you that you cannot expect your kids to be able to think or behave the same way in Winter as they do in Spring or in Summer. We are very much creatures of this Earth (remember designed for us by God), and therefore have cycles in how we think, sleep, exercise and play.
I am not saying to disregard the article, I think it is right on in many ways and we should utilize as much as fits our unique family situations. Just don't feel like you have to over-do it or use the same routine every day of the year. Keep the natural rhythms Mr. Michael talked about in mind - planting and tending in Spring, more vigorous tending and harvesting/preserving in Summer moving on to preserving/preparing in Fall and preparing for the next year as well as resting in the Winter.
For a homeschooling family it may look more like: in the Summer, let the kids stay up later, include them in projects around the house and/or garden and let them be outside being very physical. In the Winter let them sleep in a little later, rest a little more and use that time to work on things inside (cooking/cleaning skills, sewing and other repair skills, book work if that works for them, classes or other opportunities to be with other kids, etc) and Spring and Fall are nice times to transition between the two using a little of both.
Don't feel like you have to stick to anything like that for your own family, just keep in mind your kids' natural cycles (as well as your own) and adjust the routine to fit that time in your life whether it is for a few days, weeks, months or years, and don't feel like you are going to irreparably damage your children if you don't have a daily routine that is the same year round.
I agree with Mr. Michael's premise, but his conclusions make me wonder if he has any children or has had any kind of regular interaction with children.
We all need routine. We need to know what to expect and kids especially need to have things they can rely on (like Mom and Dad are going to stay together until "death do them part"). However, in the article the main arguments seem to be based upon natural rhythms more than man-made routine. Nature is cyclic and this universe created by God for us, is designed to meet our needs (or you can take the evolution POV that still concludes we are very much designed to live on this world). We know Spring follows Winter and that day will follow night and this knowledge brings us comfort and helps us plan our survival without relying on animal instincts. Routine, however, is a man-made creation that allows us to utilize natural rhythms to their fullest extent. With routines people have been able to care for their families and communities through farming and creating/selling goods which leads to robust civilizations.
It is great to strive for as much routine as fits for your family, but keep balance in mind. Just as the seasons have variations (summers too hot that kill all the plants needed for harvest or too cold so not enough grows) so do our lives. You have to be flexible to deal with illnesses, a new baby, visitors for an extended period, a job loss, etc, and you have to keep our modern age in perspective. As much as I love the idea of living in small communities where we grow a lot of our own food, raise our own animals for food and/or clothing and trade with neighbors for anything else we need, I do not believe all the trimmings of "Modern Society" are evil or bad.
We have doctors who can cure many illnesses that used to kill people, esp children. We have engineers and scientists who have created a safer building, car, better farming practices so that things like the Dust Bowl are unlikely to happen again. If those brilliant researchers and inventors had had to dedicate their lives to farming just to feed their own families, would we really be better off? Also, the internet allows us to stay connected in many ways. We can learn about the latest advances in science, medicine, etc; follow what the Pope (or Archbishop) has to say on issues or situations; learn more about our Church and Faith; keep in touch with family and friends who have had to move away for one reason or another and so on. These are not bad things, however, if you spend most of your days obsessing over these things (even learning) or looking up things that diminish your soul instead of enhancing it, that is bad and can be evil.
Having all the options offered by modern technology puts us in the situation where there are no natural rhythms, so as a parent you have to be that much more vigilant to make sure you don't neglect those natural rhythms, nor the routines that allow us to use those rhythms to their fullest extent.
It is wonderful to have a "school schedule" with all your daily subjects, the Liturgy of the Hours and daily Mass as well as meals intertwined perfectly every day, but it really isn't feasible for most families - nor should it be if you look at the way nature is designed. Any homeschooling parent will tell you that you cannot expect your kids to be able to think or behave the same way in Winter as they do in Spring or in Summer. We are very much creatures of this Earth (remember designed for us by God), and therefore have cycles in how we think, sleep, exercise and play.
I am not saying to disregard the article, I think it is right on in many ways and we should utilize as much as fits our unique family situations. Just don't feel like you have to over-do it or use the same routine every day of the year. Keep the natural rhythms Mr. Michael talked about in mind - planting and tending in Spring, more vigorous tending and harvesting/preserving in Summer moving on to preserving/preparing in Fall and preparing for the next year as well as resting in the Winter.
For a homeschooling family it may look more like: in the Summer, let the kids stay up later, include them in projects around the house and/or garden and let them be outside being very physical. In the Winter let them sleep in a little later, rest a little more and use that time to work on things inside (cooking/cleaning skills, sewing and other repair skills, book work if that works for them, classes or other opportunities to be with other kids, etc) and Spring and Fall are nice times to transition between the two using a little of both.
Don't feel like you have to stick to anything like that for your own family, just keep in mind your kids' natural cycles (as well as your own) and adjust the routine to fit that time in your life whether it is for a few days, weeks, months or years, and don't feel like you are going to irreparably damage your children if you don't have a daily routine that is the same year round.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Burnout and Motivation
Two issues have come up recently that made me think about how I homeschool and raise my kids. A post on Amongst Lovely Things about burnout/winter blues as well as a secular support group discussion on motivating your kids to do school work/chores. The motivation discussion has two schools of thought. One is that the carrot/stick or "logical consequences" is best, while the other group as best as I can tell believes in finding solutions for kids who are unmotivated. Burnout and the motivation question are related in that they both deal with kids not interested in what you as the teacher and parent want them to do, and the suggested solutions are pretty similar for both.
Once again I find myself not agreeing with either side, but somewhere more in the middle. I should start by saying that I am not a good housekeeper. I struggle with schedules and have few routines that stick, and routine is the only way I have found to maintain a clean house, regularly prepared meals, etc. I am also not particularly fond of busy work and constant repetition for kids in their schoolwork. I also tend to avoid the annual burnout homeschoolers experience - though the lack of motivation thing happens more often than I like to deal with.
Every time things like this come up, I go back to my homeschool mission statement which has changed over time and boils down to:
At the end of our homeschool journey, my goal is for my kids to
1, have a strong Catholic foundation (meaning they know and understand their faith) and
2, can find any answer they seek.
I used to have "love of learning" in there too, but I accept that not all kids are going to love the process of learning and that is ok (though at this point none of my kids seem to be headed that direction). Of course there are short term goals the kids and I set, but as a guiding star I always come back to those 2 things. If what I am doing or worrying about does not fit, then I let it go.
Unschooling fits into this by allowing us the freedom to decide what works based upon our own criteria and not what society or schools or family and friends around us think. Setting up a mission statement for me really was the best tip the "how to homeschool" books gave me. Knowing that everyone has a different mission also helps me recognize and accept that there is no one right way to homeschool. I do not believe that unschooling is for everyone just as I do not believe school-at-home is for everyone. A parent knows what their child needs far better than any stranger, even if the parent ends up not meeting their kids' needs, the damage done by a loving parent is far less than the meddling of a well-meaning stranger. That said, I do offer my opinion when asked for by a parent though I try to make sure I don't say anything in front of the kids that would cause problems for the parents (one of the many reasons I love being able to send emails), and I do talk about my own views on schooling in front of my own kids and other parents who tend to agree with me.
Where I run into strife with other homeschoolers is my belief that it would be beneficial for more parents (and schools) to see the damage done by the current assumptions of the "best" way for kids to learn. I have seen the negatives to forcing kinesthetic learners to sit at a table and do timed worksheet after worksheet because the textbook says it is important, or the slower learner/burnt out child who just can't wrap their head around a concept, yet have to push through it because the curriculum says they have to have certain facts memorized in a certain grade, or the child passionate about a subject who has to wait until it is in the prescribed curriculum before they can learn about it. Fortunately those cases in homeschooling have been very, very rare. Most parents (even devoted boxed curriculum school-at-homers) at some point can see when their kids (and mom) need to take a break and/or change the way they do things. However, I have seen parents get frustrated enough to send their kids back to school (or to school for the first time) when they run into those kinds of obstacles, I was there myself at one point - though it was very early on and I am grateful that I let go of my preconceived notions about schooling before burning out (mostly thanks to the unschoolers in my daughter's Girl Scout troop).
While I may allow my kids to study academics at their own pace and in their own way, I am not so laissez faire about other areas of the kids' lives. There are moral and ethical rights and wrongs, as well as skills they have to learn for survival in our modern world - whether they want them or not. We have chores the kids must do and consequences when they do not do them. Everyone in the house has to pull some weight to keep things going. Laundry has to be sorted and washed then folded and put away, dishes must be cleaned, things need to be picked up so that no one slips and hurts themselves, etc. We re-evaluate the chores about once a year or more often if there are major issues with getting them done and the kids choose what they will be responsible for - starting with the littler ones. I suppose there is a carrot/stick aspect to it because chores must be done for me to consider allowing things like spending the night at a friend's house or video game time, but even that is not consistent because video games are rarely played by the kids even when chores are done daily (now my husband is a whole other story!). If the kids sign up for a class or agree to help someone, then they will be there - no matter how much they don't want to go the day of, and they will have a good attitude about it. If they complain or give me too much trouble before getting there, then the next time a class comes up we don't do it. I tell them that if they are going to whine or complain then I don't want to take time to drive them and others don't want them around. I suppose you could call it "logical consequences" too.
The idea of positive solutions instead of consequences feels off to me. If the issue is something that only affects the child, then that is one thing, but when the whole family must suffer because a child doesn't want to help, then that is different. I suppose allowing the kids to choose their chores and re-evaluating everyone's responsibilities if there are problems may be "solutions", at least I hope that is where they were going.
Some of the people seemed to be saying that forcing your kids to do chores through coercion or rewards was as damaging as using those tricks to get them to do schoolwork. The ethic taught is if you do what others want, then you get what you want. The child doesn't learn to work because it is important or necessary or can be fun, they do it for rewards and it means nothing to them. If that is what they were saying, then I can sorta see where they are coming from, but again it is the difference between something that only affects the child (doing schoolwork or not) and something that affects the whole family. When my kids are old enough to see that writing is valuable and they initiate practicing it they are learning it to better themselves and will work hard at it, however, if someone else picks up the slack and does the dishes, laundry, etc while they do nothing then they are not really impacted. I suppose small families may be different that larger ones in that regard. If you have a small family there is less to do, so maybe it is easier?
Just to clarify the way I "do school" that circumvents laziness is while I am always willing to help the kids with learning to do things themselves, I do not do their writing, math conversions, etc for them. If they want to be able to do something then they have to work for it within reason. For example, I will spell words once or twice and add it to our dictionary posted in the dining room and they have to find it on their own after that. I may help with a tricky conversion with cooking, but mostly I let them figure it out. I help with reading a few words in an assignment or book or game, but they must do most of the reading on their own once they have the basics down. I do read stories to all the kids regardless of their ability, but that is a family bonding thing more than for lessons. If the kids come to me with questions about why something is the way it is I usually ask them what they think and talk about theories (mostly science) or opinions (mostly history). I make them work for the knowledge they have, which they are mostly used to though sometimes complain about.
The mantra I tend to suggest to parents struggling with homeschooling (or motivation or chores) is "Why?" Why are you or your child struggling? Why does it matter so much to you? Why are you homeschooling in the first place? Why are you using the curriculum or chores you are? Why do your kids do schoolwork or chores the way they do? Is there another way to do it? OK, so that last question is not a Why, but it still fits. I have found that whatever your reason for homeschooling, whatever your style of homeschooling, going back to the basics and asking yourself a few Why questions gets you back on track. Even if that track is a structured by-the-book kind of schooling, just reminding yourself why you are doing this helps.
Once again I find myself not agreeing with either side, but somewhere more in the middle. I should start by saying that I am not a good housekeeper. I struggle with schedules and have few routines that stick, and routine is the only way I have found to maintain a clean house, regularly prepared meals, etc. I am also not particularly fond of busy work and constant repetition for kids in their schoolwork. I also tend to avoid the annual burnout homeschoolers experience - though the lack of motivation thing happens more often than I like to deal with.
Every time things like this come up, I go back to my homeschool mission statement which has changed over time and boils down to:
At the end of our homeschool journey, my goal is for my kids to
1, have a strong Catholic foundation (meaning they know and understand their faith) and
2, can find any answer they seek.
I used to have "love of learning" in there too, but I accept that not all kids are going to love the process of learning and that is ok (though at this point none of my kids seem to be headed that direction). Of course there are short term goals the kids and I set, but as a guiding star I always come back to those 2 things. If what I am doing or worrying about does not fit, then I let it go.
Unschooling fits into this by allowing us the freedom to decide what works based upon our own criteria and not what society or schools or family and friends around us think. Setting up a mission statement for me really was the best tip the "how to homeschool" books gave me. Knowing that everyone has a different mission also helps me recognize and accept that there is no one right way to homeschool. I do not believe that unschooling is for everyone just as I do not believe school-at-home is for everyone. A parent knows what their child needs far better than any stranger, even if the parent ends up not meeting their kids' needs, the damage done by a loving parent is far less than the meddling of a well-meaning stranger. That said, I do offer my opinion when asked for by a parent though I try to make sure I don't say anything in front of the kids that would cause problems for the parents (one of the many reasons I love being able to send emails), and I do talk about my own views on schooling in front of my own kids and other parents who tend to agree with me.
Where I run into strife with other homeschoolers is my belief that it would be beneficial for more parents (and schools) to see the damage done by the current assumptions of the "best" way for kids to learn. I have seen the negatives to forcing kinesthetic learners to sit at a table and do timed worksheet after worksheet because the textbook says it is important, or the slower learner/burnt out child who just can't wrap their head around a concept, yet have to push through it because the curriculum says they have to have certain facts memorized in a certain grade, or the child passionate about a subject who has to wait until it is in the prescribed curriculum before they can learn about it. Fortunately those cases in homeschooling have been very, very rare. Most parents (even devoted boxed curriculum school-at-homers) at some point can see when their kids (and mom) need to take a break and/or change the way they do things. However, I have seen parents get frustrated enough to send their kids back to school (or to school for the first time) when they run into those kinds of obstacles, I was there myself at one point - though it was very early on and I am grateful that I let go of my preconceived notions about schooling before burning out (mostly thanks to the unschoolers in my daughter's Girl Scout troop).
While I may allow my kids to study academics at their own pace and in their own way, I am not so laissez faire about other areas of the kids' lives. There are moral and ethical rights and wrongs, as well as skills they have to learn for survival in our modern world - whether they want them or not. We have chores the kids must do and consequences when they do not do them. Everyone in the house has to pull some weight to keep things going. Laundry has to be sorted and washed then folded and put away, dishes must be cleaned, things need to be picked up so that no one slips and hurts themselves, etc. We re-evaluate the chores about once a year or more often if there are major issues with getting them done and the kids choose what they will be responsible for - starting with the littler ones. I suppose there is a carrot/stick aspect to it because chores must be done for me to consider allowing things like spending the night at a friend's house or video game time, but even that is not consistent because video games are rarely played by the kids even when chores are done daily (now my husband is a whole other story!). If the kids sign up for a class or agree to help someone, then they will be there - no matter how much they don't want to go the day of, and they will have a good attitude about it. If they complain or give me too much trouble before getting there, then the next time a class comes up we don't do it. I tell them that if they are going to whine or complain then I don't want to take time to drive them and others don't want them around. I suppose you could call it "logical consequences" too.
The idea of positive solutions instead of consequences feels off to me. If the issue is something that only affects the child, then that is one thing, but when the whole family must suffer because a child doesn't want to help, then that is different. I suppose allowing the kids to choose their chores and re-evaluating everyone's responsibilities if there are problems may be "solutions", at least I hope that is where they were going.
Some of the people seemed to be saying that forcing your kids to do chores through coercion or rewards was as damaging as using those tricks to get them to do schoolwork. The ethic taught is if you do what others want, then you get what you want. The child doesn't learn to work because it is important or necessary or can be fun, they do it for rewards and it means nothing to them. If that is what they were saying, then I can sorta see where they are coming from, but again it is the difference between something that only affects the child (doing schoolwork or not) and something that affects the whole family. When my kids are old enough to see that writing is valuable and they initiate practicing it they are learning it to better themselves and will work hard at it, however, if someone else picks up the slack and does the dishes, laundry, etc while they do nothing then they are not really impacted. I suppose small families may be different that larger ones in that regard. If you have a small family there is less to do, so maybe it is easier?
Just to clarify the way I "do school" that circumvents laziness is while I am always willing to help the kids with learning to do things themselves, I do not do their writing, math conversions, etc for them. If they want to be able to do something then they have to work for it within reason. For example, I will spell words once or twice and add it to our dictionary posted in the dining room and they have to find it on their own after that. I may help with a tricky conversion with cooking, but mostly I let them figure it out. I help with reading a few words in an assignment or book or game, but they must do most of the reading on their own once they have the basics down. I do read stories to all the kids regardless of their ability, but that is a family bonding thing more than for lessons. If the kids come to me with questions about why something is the way it is I usually ask them what they think and talk about theories (mostly science) or opinions (mostly history). I make them work for the knowledge they have, which they are mostly used to though sometimes complain about.
The mantra I tend to suggest to parents struggling with homeschooling (or motivation or chores) is "Why?" Why are you or your child struggling? Why does it matter so much to you? Why are you homeschooling in the first place? Why are you using the curriculum or chores you are? Why do your kids do schoolwork or chores the way they do? Is there another way to do it? OK, so that last question is not a Why, but it still fits. I have found that whatever your reason for homeschooling, whatever your style of homeschooling, going back to the basics and asking yourself a few Why questions gets you back on track. Even if that track is a structured by-the-book kind of schooling, just reminding yourself why you are doing this helps.
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