I was recently diagnosed with a follicular neoplasm, which may or may not be malignant. At this point the next "step" is surgery. However I can't help but think of this as mutilating my body with a 70% chance of causing a life-long disease (hypothyroidism) for a 15% chance of removing a malignant growth. I am really struggling with the idea of being a slave to pharmaceuticals for the rest of my life on the off chance that I actually do have cancer. It makes me think of other medical practices we now call barbaric, but that at the time were considered normal. I know, I've heard "doctors have gone to school and do this kind of thing regularly and therefore must know what they are doing"... I just can't get on that bandwagon. It's not that I think doctors are unintelligent or willfully doing wrong (quite the opposite actually), it is that the whole medical system seems...off to me.

I am meeting with one surgeon tomorrow and I hope to get to meet with another by next week so that I can get their perspective. I am doing my best to be open to the best option out there with medicine as it is now. I will go through the motions for now and ask questions that will undoubtedly make the surgeons and doctors look at me funny (anytime I am in a situation where I have to deal with 'professionals' I always get at least one answer of "that is a really good question, I will have to get back to you") and we'll see how it goes. At least Jeff will be there to keep me grounded. I do tend to make drs uncomfortable when they find out that I am not the kind of person to do whatever they say without question.

I intend to continue working with the acupuncture student who originally diagnosed a problem (she is a Nurse Practitioner getting her LAc) as well as my family ND who knows me very well and delivered my last 3 babies, so that should help. Though I have a feeling both of them are more inclined towards Western medicine than I am.


Between having a new baby in April, my brother's sudden death this summer and now this I am feeling overwhelmed. God, I could really use a year or so of boredom in my life. I would even take no major crisis, or even just the usual stuff I've already been dealing with. I kinda wish this were like a movie where I could have my epiphany moment and then live happily ever after. I don't want or need more excitement, though I know it is coming whether I like it or not.