As I said in my very first post, I am a bit of a wimp. I am so scared of saying (or typing) the wrong thing that I sit on the sidelines, not taking a chance and waiting for the 'right' moment to step in. For example, with this blog I have 4 posts I am working on that I am not ready to post because every time I get into writing, I find some fact that I have to research to make sure I am being fair and accurate. Then, of course, I have to revise what I am claiming and by then I am out of time.
I am also afraid to let family and friends know this blog exists. I haven't even been posting any real thoughts that someone may take offense to, but still I say and type pretty much nothing. I am equally as timid in social situations as I am with this blog, so at least I am consistent. I can go into all kinds of reasons why I am this way, and a big part of it is my public school education (being ridiculed for saying or doing the wrong thing shuts you up pretty quickly especially when you are younger than almost everyone else) as well as my preference for observing and gauging situations before jumping into them. The short period in my life where I was spontaneous and took risks did not work out very well, so I have good life experience that tells me to sit back and watch life without sticking my nose in.
Lately I have been listening to KBVM (the local Catholic radio station) a lot as well as reading some interesting books related to the Faith. The message I am getting is to get off the sidelines! I have to take a chance and stretch the part of me that doesn't want to risk hurting feelings or offending anyone. One of the books I am reading is a collection of Orestes Brownson's writings, well summaries of his writings anyway. He was a well educated American who became Catholic later in life after being a Universalist Preacher, and for years published the Brownson Quarterly Review. His Review spanned the years leading up to his conversion and right through it and went on close to his death. Throughout the years he was writing, he explored many topics and in many ways discovered or confirmed his opinions through his writing. He was not afraid to take a chance and while many critics claim that if he had only done x,y,z he would have converted more souls instead of turning people away, I have to admire that he said anything. He really took a chance and that is what counts.
I've observed that many people have great ideas, fantastic ideas even, but they lack the time, energy, guts, incentive, etc to take a chance and make their idea work (myself included!). Since several of my children are planning to be entrepreneurs, I have been trying to teach them that the only differences between the people who are successful and those who are not is taking a chance and persevering. So, while this is only the first tiny baby step, I am making a resolution to start posting my thoughts whether they are researched or not. I will not be too scared to step out into the unknown and take a chance. I don't know what I will find, but I trust God that he will guide me where I should go.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
I May Be Going Crazy...
Jeff just started the next term in school and the kids have a soccer camp this week, so the days and evenings have been full. Since Jeff is working and then going to school I am on my own to get the kids ready for bed and preferably in bed before he gets home from school (this term he is in class 3 days a week). Since they are getting up early and running for a couple hours before coming home to do chores, they are actually going to sleep at a reasonable hour. Well, reasonable for us. I've been getting the kids up at 8am and they are going to bed around 9:30 and seem to be asleep by 10:30. Normally, Damien is still up at midnight, so asleep by 10:30 is amazing.
Anyway, on to why I question my sanity. I managed to get everyone to bed later than I wanted last night, so I think it was about 10:30 when I got the little girls and myself (accidentally) to sleep while the other kids were listening to audio books in the dark. Jeff was still up and doing homework until 1:30am (his Math teacher is young and seems to think that people take night classes because they have their days free for 2-3 hours of homework 3 days a week). Once he finished his Math, he had to do his online intro and homework for his Biology class, hence being up so late. I woke up at about 3:45am sneezing and then lay in bed trying to go back to sleep. I'm sure it is related to my experiences when I was younger, but when I wake up in the night I always question whether there is a reason why I am awake. So, I lay there listening for odd sounds. My house was built in 1958 and has harwood floors, so it creaks and groans a lot. We have kind of a white noise that stays on at night to mask most of the noises and to keep the little girls asleep when Jeff and I move around in the morning. Anyway, I heard something that didn't sound quite right, so knowing that Jeff was up late I decided to check it out myself. The kids were fine and all of them were asleep, but something just didn't feel right. I decided to stand in the boys room for a few minutes in the dark while I thought about what to do, then I heard a very distictive creak that only happens when someone is moving on the floor. At that point I was pretty terrified, so I picked up the boys radio (the best weapon I could find) and demanded in a loud and what I hoped was an authoritative voice "Get the hell out of my house!" That woke Jeff up who managed to find his glasses and come out turning on lights in about 20 seconds - pretty impressive for 2 hours sleep! The only thing is, there was no one there. We checked everything and the kind of locks on the doors (other than the front door which has a deadbolt) have to be locked from the inside. We both noticed an unfamiliar smell in the area where I thought I heard the noise from, but Jeff thought it was still there an hour and a half later when he got up for work. It was gone by 5:45 when I got up though. I think I just don't know my house as well as I thought I did. After Jeff and I checked everywhere (in cupboards, under the table, in closets, etc) and went back to bed, he went back out to turn on a couple lights just in case and I noticed that about 60-90 seconds after you step on a particularly creaky part of the hallway it creaks again. Even with that logical explaination I still found myself jerking awake with every little noise for probably an hour after we went back to bed.
Periodically I find myself wishing we had a decent weapon in the house for protection, but I suspect the mass media brainwashing is well entrenched because I never follow through. The fact that I had bad experiences in the night time as a child, studied Forensic Criminal Science as a credited course (the quote that sticks with me most is "everytime I think I have seen the worst thing that one human being can do to another, the next case comes in" - and the case studies were horrific) and am prone to nightmares makes me more likely to be on edge at night. It doesn't help that 2 weeks ago we had someone come into our back yard and steal a toddler carrier that hooks on your bike (the next day we had a lock on the gate) and then yesterday while the kids were at their soccer camp a store on the other side of the field was robbed. One of the robbers fired a shotgun at employees who were chasing them, but fortunately no one was hurt (though at least one guy got away). It certainly was exciting to see all the police at the other end of the field and to have other cops by us to make sure people didn't leave the way the investigation was happening. All that excitement coupled with being stressed may be making me more paranoid, or maybe my sanity is already too far gone. Oh well, Ariana will not be staying home alone for a while, at least until my nerves settle.
Anyway, on to why I question my sanity. I managed to get everyone to bed later than I wanted last night, so I think it was about 10:30 when I got the little girls and myself (accidentally) to sleep while the other kids were listening to audio books in the dark. Jeff was still up and doing homework until 1:30am (his Math teacher is young and seems to think that people take night classes because they have their days free for 2-3 hours of homework 3 days a week). Once he finished his Math, he had to do his online intro and homework for his Biology class, hence being up so late. I woke up at about 3:45am sneezing and then lay in bed trying to go back to sleep. I'm sure it is related to my experiences when I was younger, but when I wake up in the night I always question whether there is a reason why I am awake. So, I lay there listening for odd sounds. My house was built in 1958 and has harwood floors, so it creaks and groans a lot. We have kind of a white noise that stays on at night to mask most of the noises and to keep the little girls asleep when Jeff and I move around in the morning. Anyway, I heard something that didn't sound quite right, so knowing that Jeff was up late I decided to check it out myself. The kids were fine and all of them were asleep, but something just didn't feel right. I decided to stand in the boys room for a few minutes in the dark while I thought about what to do, then I heard a very distictive creak that only happens when someone is moving on the floor. At that point I was pretty terrified, so I picked up the boys radio (the best weapon I could find) and demanded in a loud and what I hoped was an authoritative voice "Get the hell out of my house!" That woke Jeff up who managed to find his glasses and come out turning on lights in about 20 seconds - pretty impressive for 2 hours sleep! The only thing is, there was no one there. We checked everything and the kind of locks on the doors (other than the front door which has a deadbolt) have to be locked from the inside. We both noticed an unfamiliar smell in the area where I thought I heard the noise from, but Jeff thought it was still there an hour and a half later when he got up for work. It was gone by 5:45 when I got up though. I think I just don't know my house as well as I thought I did. After Jeff and I checked everywhere (in cupboards, under the table, in closets, etc) and went back to bed, he went back out to turn on a couple lights just in case and I noticed that about 60-90 seconds after you step on a particularly creaky part of the hallway it creaks again. Even with that logical explaination I still found myself jerking awake with every little noise for probably an hour after we went back to bed.
Periodically I find myself wishing we had a decent weapon in the house for protection, but I suspect the mass media brainwashing is well entrenched because I never follow through. The fact that I had bad experiences in the night time as a child, studied Forensic Criminal Science as a credited course (the quote that sticks with me most is "everytime I think I have seen the worst thing that one human being can do to another, the next case comes in" - and the case studies were horrific) and am prone to nightmares makes me more likely to be on edge at night. It doesn't help that 2 weeks ago we had someone come into our back yard and steal a toddler carrier that hooks on your bike (the next day we had a lock on the gate) and then yesterday while the kids were at their soccer camp a store on the other side of the field was robbed. One of the robbers fired a shotgun at employees who were chasing them, but fortunately no one was hurt (though at least one guy got away). It certainly was exciting to see all the police at the other end of the field and to have other cops by us to make sure people didn't leave the way the investigation was happening. All that excitement coupled with being stressed may be making me more paranoid, or maybe my sanity is already too far gone. Oh well, Ariana will not be staying home alone for a while, at least until my nerves settle.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Thank You for our Messy Home
This isn't the version I really like, but I needed the reminder today...
Dear Lord,
Thank you for this sink of dirty dishes; we have plenty of food to eat.
Thank you for this pile of dirty, stinky laundry; we have plenty of nice clothes to wear.
And I would like to thank you, Lord, for those unmade beds; they were so warm and comfortable last night. I know that many have no bed.
My thanks to you, Lord, for this bathroom, complete with all the splattered mess, soggy, grimy towels and the dirty lavatory; they are all so convenient.
Thank you for this finger-smudged refrigerator that needs defrosting so badly; it has served us faithfully for many years. It is full of cold drinks and enough leftovers for two or three meals.
Thank you, Lord, for this oven that absolutely must be cleaned today; it has baked so many things over the years.
The whole family is grateful for that tall grass that needs mowing and lawn that needs raking; we all enjoy the yard.
Thank you, Lord, even for that slamming screen door. My kids are healthy and able to run and play. Many children cannot.
Lord, the presence of all these chores awaiting me says You have richly blessed my family. I shall do them cheerfully and I shall do them gratefully.
Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings... Thank you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.
Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light as long as possible...Thank you, Lord, that I can see. Many are blind.
Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising...Thank you, Lord, that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.
Even though the first hour of my day is hectic with socks that are lost, toast that is burned, tempers that are short, and my children that are so loud...Thank you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely.
Even though our breakfast table never looks like the pictures in magazines and the menu is at times not balanced...Thank you, Lord, for the food we have. There are many who are hungry.
Even though the routine of my job is often monotonous...Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to work. There are many who are jobless.
Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my circumstances were not so modest...Thank you, Lord, for life.
Author Unknown
Dear Lord,
Thank you for this sink of dirty dishes; we have plenty of food to eat.
Thank you for this pile of dirty, stinky laundry; we have plenty of nice clothes to wear.
And I would like to thank you, Lord, for those unmade beds; they were so warm and comfortable last night. I know that many have no bed.
My thanks to you, Lord, for this bathroom, complete with all the splattered mess, soggy, grimy towels and the dirty lavatory; they are all so convenient.
Thank you for this finger-smudged refrigerator that needs defrosting so badly; it has served us faithfully for many years. It is full of cold drinks and enough leftovers for two or three meals.
Thank you, Lord, for this oven that absolutely must be cleaned today; it has baked so many things over the years.
The whole family is grateful for that tall grass that needs mowing and lawn that needs raking; we all enjoy the yard.
Thank you, Lord, even for that slamming screen door. My kids are healthy and able to run and play. Many children cannot.
Lord, the presence of all these chores awaiting me says You have richly blessed my family. I shall do them cheerfully and I shall do them gratefully.
Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings... Thank you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.
Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light as long as possible...Thank you, Lord, that I can see. Many are blind.
Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising...Thank you, Lord, that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.
Even though the first hour of my day is hectic with socks that are lost, toast that is burned, tempers that are short, and my children that are so loud...Thank you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely.
Even though our breakfast table never looks like the pictures in magazines and the menu is at times not balanced...Thank you, Lord, for the food we have. There are many who are hungry.
Even though the routine of my job is often monotonous...Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to work. There are many who are jobless.
Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my circumstances were not so modest...Thank you, Lord, for life.
Author Unknown
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Catholics Come Home
I am copying this from Simply Catholic. I really liked it the first time I saw it and want to have it in a place I can see it whenever I feel the need. Plus, if I ever manage to work up the guts to invite family to view this blog, it is good info for them to see.
Not to sound too much like copying Simply Catholic, but this video really is why I love being Catholic.
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