The Bitter Homeschooler's Wist List

I love this list! The link is in the title if you want to go to the source. I also included the link for issue 1 as it was posted.

I can't decide between #2, 11 and 12 for my favorite, though they are all good.

The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List

by Deborah Markus, from Secular Homeschooling, Issue #1, Fall 2007

1 Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is — and it is — it's insulting to imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?

2 Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.

3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.

4 Don't assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.

5 If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a "reality" show, the above goes double.

6 Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You're probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you've ever heard. We all hate you, so please go away.

7 We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we're doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.

8 Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.

9 Stop assuming that if we're religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.

10 We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.

11 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn't have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don't need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child to school.

12 If my kid's only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he'd learn in school, please understand that you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.

13 Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in "homeschool," we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it's crowded and icky.

14 Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.

15 Stop asking, "But what about the Prom?" Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to school don't get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I'm one of them. I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.

16 Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.

17 Stop saying, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you're horrified. One of these days, I won't bother disagreeing with you any more.

18 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can't, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.

19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.

20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

21 Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she's homeschooled.

22 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.

23 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.

24 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't get because they don't go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.

25 Here's a thought: If you can't say something nice about homeschooling, shut up!

New Surgeon, New Outlook

I am so very glad that a fellow homeschooling mom told me about the Thyroid Clinic at a local teaching hospital. I had resigned myself to needing surgery because this tumor is not going to go away on its own, and whether it is cancer or not at some point it will be big enough to cause problems since there isn't a whole lot of space in the neck.

This surgeon had a very different approach than the first surgeon. He started by coming into the room and sitting down and being relaxed about the whole thing as he talked with us. He said there are 2 ways we can go at this point. One is to remove the tumor and see if it is cancer, the other is to wait and see if it grows enough to be a problem. His feeling is that the tumor probably grew a lot during my pregnancy with Corbin, and it may shrink a little once he stops nursing. He said some people hear cancer and want it removed immediately, and others want to take a wait and see approach. He said either option is fine. Thyroid cancer is one of the easiest to treat with such a high cure rate that waiting really is not a problem.

If I do opt for surgery he would only remove the half with the tumor, which would give me a 60-70% chance of not needing thyroid medicine. He said it it common for the thyroid to not work as well as we age, and with my family history I may end up needing thyroid meds anyway whether the tumor is removed or not. My ND pointed out at my appt with her that chances are with the tumor as large as it is, the left side probably isn't functioning properly for me now anyway and with it gone I may be fine. (It also helped to find a couple friends who have been on thyroid medication for years and who are both doing well. It gives me hope that I won't become like my mother - though that genetic link is still there...)

The surgeon is very willing to work with me on making the surgery as non-disruptive as we can. I will not have to stay in the hospital overnight unless there is a problem and while it is best to avoid nursing for 24 hours, Corbin's night time nursing may be ok after pumping + dumping for the day - we can find an anesthesia that will be out of my system by then and/or be one that is ok for babies who go in for surgery.

If the tumor is cancer (20-30% chance right now and they will not be able to tell until it is removed), then chances are just the one surgery will take care of it. In the surgeon's opinion radioactive iodine is overused and a lot of people are so concerned about squashing any possibility of cancer that they take things farther than is necessary. If I want to go with just removing the one side and stop treatment after that, it should not be a problem.

The one caveat to this whole wait and see thing is the opinion of the pathologists upon viewing my biopsy slides. If they say it should come out, then we go with what they say. If they are not concerned, then I go in for an ultrasound in May to see if the tumor has changed - assuming I don't have any symptoms before then.

I figure May is a good time to go in. My fertility tends to come back about 12 months after baby is born, so May is perfect timing to see if hormonal changes make a difference with this tumor. Also, Corbin will be eating solid food by then and can more easily skip nursing if I have surgery.

If I get pregnant again, there is a good chance it would make the tumor grow, so I may opt for getting it out this summer anyway since fall would be about when I can expect to be expecting again - assuming my pattern of the last 14 years continues.

One surgeon down one to go. Unfortunately I have to wait until the 30th for my other appt. So far I am not sold. I must be losing my edge too because I only asked one question with the "that's a good question" answer.

Why is it so hard for doctors to realize that people don't like being talked down to? Or maybe people like surgeons or doctors to talk down to them and I am just odd. I suppose he wasn't too bad. He literally talked down to Jeff and I with his arms crossed over his chest for a while even. Eventually he sat down and answered a couple more questions, but that was when I asked specifics about how the surgery would go and he had to be lower to show how they would cut.

I am not an idiot. I know that if I have cancer this is one of the better ones to get. However, just because "a lot" of people are on thyroid medication does not mean my concerns are unjustified. After I talk to the next surgeon I will have a better idea about some of the things that he said that were off to me too. My research indicated different percentages and to say things like I won't have take medication with a subtotal thyroidectomy seems almost like lying or being ill-informed. There is a chance that I won't have to, but it isn't even 50% from what I have read. I guess since this surgeon's opinion is to do a total thyroidectomy whether benign or malignant with radio-active iodine treatment if it is malignant, it doesn't matter if the remaining thyroid will work or not. Since the next surgeon specializes in thyroid and parathyroid issues and works at a teaching hospital I should get a good feel for whether I am off-base or the surgeon from today was.

I also didn't particularly appreciate being told that he sees far worse cases of cancer on a regular basis in a way that implied I was being unreasonable with not wanting to do things his way. Also humorous was "I'm sure we can manage to get the dosage correct" and then having to admit that he would have nothing to do with managing the medication. He was quick to brush off my questions about what anesthesia they will use (other than a 'general anesthesia') because medications are not his specialty, but he's sure "we" can manage to get the dosage correct. Yeah right. My mother who has hypothyroid has always had issues no matter what they do with her medication, but I suppose she is a 'special' case and chances are I would be fine despite the whole genetic link and my 'luck' being terrible.

As much as I am complaining, he wasn't too terrible. Possibly not up-to-date on thyroid issues, but since he is a general and oncologic surgeon I wouldn't expect him to be a thyroid specialist. I am not ruling him out for sure as my surgeon, I just need more information. He is open to emails, so I can get my questions answered and maybe his email-manner is better than his bedside-manner.

One positive thing I learned is the dye test is not a good idea for me with a nursing baby - nor is the radioactive iodine, but that battle doesn't need to be fought yet. I hadn't thought about how long the dye would be in my system and he let me know that those tests are so inconclusive they rarely bother with them for this issue anymore anyway.

Now I have to figure out if I keep my appt with my ND to talk about what I have learned so far and discuss options next week or if I should push it back until after I talk with the other surgeon.

I am also hoping to hear back from the acupuncture student. She was going to be working with an Endocrinologist today and said she would ask him about what I've got going on. Though I am more interested in what her acupuncture supervisor has to say.

I was recently diagnosed with a follicular neoplasm, which may or may not be malignant. At this point the next "step" is surgery. However I can't help but think of this as mutilating my body with a 70% chance of causing a life-long disease (hypothyroidism) for a 15% chance of removing a malignant growth. I am really struggling with the idea of being a slave to pharmaceuticals for the rest of my life on the off chance that I actually do have cancer. It makes me think of other medical practices we now call barbaric, but that at the time were considered normal. I know, I've heard "doctors have gone to school and do this kind of thing regularly and therefore must know what they are doing"... I just can't get on that bandwagon. It's not that I think doctors are unintelligent or willfully doing wrong (quite the opposite actually), it is that the whole medical system seems...off to me.

I am meeting with one surgeon tomorrow and I hope to get to meet with another by next week so that I can get their perspective. I am doing my best to be open to the best option out there with medicine as it is now. I will go through the motions for now and ask questions that will undoubtedly make the surgeons and doctors look at me funny (anytime I am in a situation where I have to deal with 'professionals' I always get at least one answer of "that is a really good question, I will have to get back to you") and we'll see how it goes. At least Jeff will be there to keep me grounded. I do tend to make drs uncomfortable when they find out that I am not the kind of person to do whatever they say without question.

I intend to continue working with the acupuncture student who originally diagnosed a problem (she is a Nurse Practitioner getting her LAc) as well as my family ND who knows me very well and delivered my last 3 babies, so that should help. Though I have a feeling both of them are more inclined towards Western medicine than I am.


Between having a new baby in April, my brother's sudden death this summer and now this I am feeling overwhelmed. God, I could really use a year or so of boredom in my life. I would even take no major crisis, or even just the usual stuff I've already been dealing with. I kinda wish this were like a movie where I could have my epiphany moment and then live happily ever after. I don't want or need more excitement, though I know it is coming whether I like it or not.

Whew! Finally blogger decided to let me sign in. I guess they decided to stop fighting people who have yahoo email addresses.

Though now the kids are up and needing attention. Hopefully next time I sign in it will work quickly.

Can it be July 19th again, please? I promise to redo that day to make it better, more memorable. Or even the 18th or the few days before. I'll redo the kids throwing up even, just to get back that world. I like that one better.

What does an unschooling "school" day look like?

For my family that question has many answers. Yesterday my 4 and 2 year olds started the day with playing Reader Rabbit Kindergarten where they worked on letter sounds and basic words. Then my 7 year old got on the computer and played a game for her age where she was working on phonograms and sentence structure with my 9 year old watching over her shoulder. Later all the girls went outside to jump on the trampoline and play "house." In their imaginary world one is "Mom" and the others are "Sister" or they are friends or other characters just living through a normal day - when my boys do this kind of play there are always explosions, secret agents and shooting in one form or another, just one of those differences between boys and girls.
While the girls were off in their own world, my 11 year old played Oblivion (an open world medieval game similar to World of Warcraft, but played as a single player and not online). He has been struggling with the patience required in this game. In order to accomplish missions, he has to talk to people to find the clues he needs to advance in the story. Once Damien figures out what he needs to do, he wants to do it immediately not ask around for the clues needed to figure out how to break into the castle or defeat the monster. He gets a double dose of delayed gratification skills with this game because he has to first do his chores to be able to play, then take time to figure out what to do in the game - a skill he definitely needs work on too. Then came the sharing skills as my 9 year old got a turn to play Lego Batman. For Zachery playing the game helps his hand-eye coordination (something his optometrist recommends, though I can't handle the video games every day), puzzle solving skills, money skills (collecting and spending 'studs' on characters and equipment), cooperation skills as he asks siblings to step in for a short time to help so that he doesn't have to wait for the computer to help or switch characters and delayed gratification as he saves to buy certain items. Both of the games have these kinds of lessons as well as many more (in Oblivion the thing you choose to say or do to a character will determine how much or little they will help you - if you are mean, you get less help).
Then, since it was Daddy's night out with friends, the kids finished an animated Batman movie. It was based upon a comic series, so when Daddy got home we talked about the choices that were made by the writers as well as the characters. The fans didn't like a certain character, so the writers killed him off, which shocked the fans so then the writers made this story arc to try and satisfy the fans. From what I understand it worked. The characters were not 2-dimensional, they had a past and you could see where their future was headed. Also, Batman had to face the consequences of his choices and rise above the temptation to kill a really bad guy. He ended up looking back and recognizing that while he made mistakes, he could still appreciate the good times before things fell apart and hope for a future where a certain friend would make better choices. All great discussion starters.


Since I had work to do that I had procrastinated for months, I let the kids have free reign over the tv and computer once their chores were done. Typically I don't have the tv on during the day because it distracts and bothers me and I don't think it is healthy to be in front of all day. However, there are times when the tv/computer are useful.

Well...Maybe the Federal Government Should Protect Life

I said I might change my mind after more thought...well I have. As much as I feel the federal government has no business interfering in the daily lives of its citizens, there is a line that must be set. Boundaries are what make civilization possible and therefore must exist. Our Declaration of Independence is a great place to go to find where that line should be. We have the unalienable rights to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. Our unalienable right to Life is what struck me most. In order for that right to mean anything the Federal government must protect the Life of its citizens - all Life especially the vulnerable, disabled and dying because the strong and healthy do not need such protection. The law must remain very basic to work or else our right to Liberty is at risk. Here the Vatican has it right:

"6. The approach to the gravely ill and the dying must therefore be inspired by the respect for the life and the dignity of the person. It should pursue the aim of making proportionate treatment available but without engaging in any form of "overzealous treatment" (cf. CCC, n. 2278). One should accept the patient's wishes when it is a matter of extraordinary or risky therapy which he is not morally obliged to accept. One must always provide ordinary care (including artificial nutrition and hydration), palliative treatment, especially the proper therapy for pain, in a dialogue with the patient which keeps him informed.

At the approach of death, which appears inevitable, "it is permitted in conscience to take the decision to refuse forms of treatment that would only secure a precarious and burdensome prolongation of life" (cf. Declaration on Euthanasia, part IV) because there is a major ethical difference between "procuring death" and "permitting death": the former attitude rejects and denies life, while the latter accepts its natural conclusion." RESPECT FOR THE DIGNITY OF THE DYING - PONTIFICAL ACADEMY FOR LIFE

Basically no one may be denied nutrition, hydration or palliative treatment. Also, all end of life treatment must come from the angle of "permitting death" instead of "procuring death". This protects the unborn as well as the disabled and elderly because an abortion or euthanasia would be "procuring death." Creating a law that reflects these boundaries also protects our Liberty because if you, for example, have a Christian Scientist who decides to refuse extraordinary medical care for themselves or even their children their rights are protected. It is critical that people be allowed to make their own decisions within basic fundamental boundaries even when their choices are not what you would choose. Death is not an enemy that must be avoided no matter how much it costs monetarily, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Death is a natural part of life and therefore should be approached as such.

These limits would be as far as the Federal Government could go. States get to make their own laws for their citizens as long as it doesn't contradict the Federal laws. I know this is not a perfect idea and I may change my mind as time goes on, but that is where I am right now.

Time Flies!

It has been over a month since my last post. Wow! I have worked on a couple posts that still aren't done, so it doesn't feel like a month. That is just how it goes with a new baby I suppose. I need to get back into posting more often. Maybe I should break down my longer posts so that I can get something out more often instead of fewer big posts...

Corbin is doing well. He's gained 3lbs in 4 weeks and grown 6cm bringing him to 11lbs 13.5oz and 59cm! He fits in 3 month clothes now at 6 weeks, not too bad. I love that I can see bits and pieces of his siblings in him. He looks a lot like Zachery with strawberry blond hair like the little girls, dimples like Elora and for some reason I keep thinking his eyes will be blue like Vivian, though he could end up with hazel. I love that people can look at him and know what family he belongs to. In the Catholic homeschool group we belong to where the average family has 4-5 kids, it is easy to see how each family fits together.

Random Thoughts

Several things I have noticed since little Corbin Riggs was born:

1. My husband and I really struggle with boys names! We manage to do ok with girls names, but boys are always difficult. I am happy with Corbin Riggs - even if Jeff calls the baby Riggs, at least I can call him Corbin which was my 1st choice.

2. Either I am getting older, my body is getting more worn out after birthing 7 babies, or my memory of what things are like after baby is faulty. I seem to recall a week after baby is born I am more than ready to go out and get back into the class/get-together groove - though a scaled back version. I'm not claiming that "normal" for me means my energy level is back up or that I am not sleep deprived, more that I just want to be out and feel better when we jump right back into things. However, this time I find that all I want to do is stay home and rest. I don't want to tackle big projects or go anywhere, I just want to stay home in bed and snuggle this beautiful little boy. Maybe it is related to having kids old enough to handle things so that I don't have to worry about the house completely falling apart with me taking some time off; or my relatively recent epiphanies about my own childhood and the effects it has had on me; or the close friends who have lost babies or had difficult pregnancies over the last year. Maybe a combination of things...I just don't know. What I do know is that I am enjoying this time to rest and watch and listen to all the kids. Plus how can anything beat snuggling a newborn baby who smiles and laughs in his sleep regularly?


3. I like to think way too much. There are probably half a dozen posts that are half formed floating around in my head just from the last 2-3 weeks. I keep thinking that I need to type them out so that I can more fully develop my opinions, but the snuggling option ends up more appealing. There is also that scary factor of putting my crazy opinions out where anyone can read them which makes me nervous... There is time. If Corbin takes after his brothers then there are only a few months left where he will let me snuggle and hold him before he's either too active, too big or both.

Baby Boy is Born!

He was only 2 or 3 days late depending on the due date we use. Here is the standard birth info:

April 26th at 10:21am
8lbs 8oz
20 inches long

We're still working on a name, but have narrowed it down to Corbin or Riggs.




More to come soon...

A Prayer for Good Friday

Thank you God, for reminding me during this Holy Week, that my plans, opinions and desires are secondary to what is really important - you. Please continue to remind me everyday of all the little ways I can better serve you through caring for my family and taking time to pray and think of you. When I begin to complain about the unfairness of my own suffering, remind me of how Jesus suffered for my sins without complaining. Help me to see past my shame and worries about things I have no control over. Give me the strength to pick up my cross and carry it with the same determination and love as you. In the end all I want is to be with you, please show me the way.

Amen.

Garage and Desk Areas Down

I cleaned off the computer desk and turned it into My Desk! I took the computer and all the junk off, and rearranged things so that the printers are up out of the way and the things I need to go through, work on and/or deal with are down where I can easily sit and deal with them. I can also store the laptop on the desk if I want. Yea!

I got 1 32 gal bag worth of recycling off the desk (the computer died a long time ago, so that area became a catch-all for my things as well as things the kids didn't want to take care of)
And 2 13 gal bags of garbage out of the area (the kids had actually stuffed 2 bags about 1/3 full under the desk and then piled more things on top of them, yuck!)


Then we moved on to the garage where we went through a lot over about another 4 hours. The art area got straightened up a bit and a few empty boxes were broken down and put in recycling. Then we moved on to the 'workshop' and storage area including a pile of things that were set aside possibly for a yard sale.

Out of that we got 4 big yard bags of garbage (mostly broken toys, VHS that were tv recordings, Styrofoam from the boxes, some papers and other misc garbage) that went to the truck and the yard sale stuff was condensed to about 2/3 of what it was but now is things worth selling! Jeff also put 2 dead computer monitors into his car that need to be recycled - now to get help loading the 200lb dead tv into his car and he can take it all in! If I can get rid of that stuff as well as the yard sale stuff before Easter that will be another 7-10 bags.


The garage and desk still need work, but it felt great to get as much done as we did. I am resting today, since I pushed it so much yesterday. Grandpa's truck has been stuffed about as full as we can get it - I think I may be able to fit 1 or 2 more bags in. It really is time to take it to the dump! - well, once Grandpa gets over his cold anyway.

Another 7 bags down! 21 to go and I haven't even started on the basement yet!


Tomorrow the kids will be bringing up the bags of clothes and toys I've already sorted for a yard sale from the basement, so that will add about 16-18 more bags. Then I just have to do the yard sale (or donate the items) to count the things in my 40 bags.

I really like getting rid of things. It is so freeing!!! I just have to remember not to do too much...5 more days to 36 weeks!! Though, I am shooting for at least 37 weeks. If you haven't been following the blog for long, I have never had an early labor with any of my previous 6 kids (it has been 1/2 on time and 1/2 10 days to 2 weeks late), but this time I had unusual cramping at 28 weeks and was starting to efface, so I have been told to take it easy as much as possible - no more hanging drywall or rebuilding furniture!


Below is a picture of the desk after the junk was removed (it still needs work, but is much better). Somewhere I have a before picture, but not on this camera card...

More Progress on the 40 Bags

I watched a few episodes about Hoarders through You Tube a few nights ago (Part 1 of one of the episodes below). I grew up in a very cluttered home and heard many of the excuses the hoarders used in the show from my parents - it was weird and almost a relief to realize I wasn't the only one who went through that kind of childhood. While my house has way more things than we need or want, I hope I can keep from suffering from the debilitating need to keep things.

To test myself and because I don't think anyone can watch those shows and not get rid of something, I started working on my 40 bags a lot more. I'm also fighting a cold, so in addition to the discomforts of being 8 months pregnant, I had trouble breathing over the weekend though I am improving everyday. I'm taking it easy, but still working!

Over the weekend, I managed to go through the hall closet and the bathroom, and came up with 1 1/2 bags. I'm only counting 1 since that was garbage and is officially out of the house.

Today the weather was fantastic, so we went through the yard and gathered all the garbage and got it into the truck. Another 11 bags (though big yard bags vs the 13 gal ones we have been using) plus a bunch of cardboard!

12 down, 28 to go with 2 1/2 weeks left until Easter!

Hopefully either later today or tomorrow I will be able to get the garage done so that the yard sale things can be shifted to one place - and gotten rid of if the yard sale falls through.

Progress is good!

40 Bag Challenge Update

As I expected I haven't done a whole lot with the 40 bag challenge so far. I've gathered about 2 bags of things from my room and the living room, but they are just sitting in the garage right now.

Ariana's room has been 1 small step at a time, so hopefully this Thurs we will finally get the floor laid down (the boards are all cut, so I just have to get the kit that makes it easier to click everything in place), and then she can start moving in and filling bags with things to get rid of and I can finally get into the girls closet to get rid of the things the girls don't need.

A fellow 40 bagger is planning a garage sale sometime in the next month, so the 6 boxes in the garage and 12 bags of clothes downstairs will all be going out to the garage sale, then the following Monday whatever clothing is left will be put out at CCD for families to pick through for free and the last of it will get dropped at Snowcap (a Protestant version of St Vincent De Paul near my house) or the Pregnancy Resource Center depending on the sizes. I do hope to at least double the amount of clothes and misc stuff by the time the garage sale happens, but worst case that is 18 bags gone!

Plus the 8-12 bags worth of junk that needs to be loaded into my dad's truck - conveniently parked in front of my house. I am still pretty limited as far as movement goes, which is the only reason the truck isn't loaded now, but hopefully this coming weekend I will get myself together enough to oversee everyone else loading the junk into the trunk.

I suppose if we didn't have activities/classes/dr appts pretty much everyday that would help too. I think we have a bit of a break next week as well as the week after for Spring break, so maybe we can get caught up then...

An Interesting Conversation

I had an interesting conversation with the lady who cuts my hair today. I have been going to her 3-4 times a year (I prefer a short hair style so paying to have my hair cut is one of the luxuries I allow myself) for about 5 years I suppose. Today when talking about when this next baby is due and about how this is baby number 7, we ended up taking the subject of pregnancy much further than is usually considered "appropriate public conversation." She is a very energetic, kind middle-age woman who loves life, enjoys her grandchildren and works hard as the owner of the salon. Fortunately her other employees were out on break and lunch and there was no one else around, it was just the two of us having this interesting conversation.

There was no sense of one of us 'telling' the other what to do, nor of making suggestions and we were not debating despite being on different sides of the issues, we were just having a conversation and sharing personal stories. It was a change of pace for me and it got me thinking about how many people feel the same as this woman.

When birth control came up, it was easy for me to mention the negative effects hormone treatment has on women in my family physically. From there I threw in the environmental impact hormones (and other drugs) are having on the ecosystem and pointed out how unhealthy it is not only for the plants and animals, but for people who are having their bodies messed with as they interact with the environment. Then I mentioned my step-mother-in-law who was recently diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer - she received hormone treatment for menopause which is the suspected culprit at this point. None of my logical reasons brought religion into it and while my Catholicism is a huge part of why I don't use standard forms of birth control, it is usually not helpful in the kind of conversation I was having to throw that in there. The Church has sound reasons why birth control is bad, and your average American will actually have discussions on those logical reasons, but they shut down if you use the excuse "My religion tells me to" and what is worse, by using that reason they tend to stereotype all religions with such rules as bad and their followers as mindless drones - unless you argue the logical reasons first.

Anyway, she agreed with me on the devastation of hormonal birth control and told me how hard it was for her to conceive and stated proudly that she had never used birth control (she has been happily married for 30 years). What she said next threw me a bit though. She said she is very pro-choice, it isn't any of her business what people do in their own lives...and the government shouldn't make rules about it either. I told her that I agreed completely that the government should mind its own business (which means she believes Roe v Wade should be overturned though I didn't say that in this conversation), esp the federal government. I then told her one of the reasons why I believe parental consent laws should be in place (someone close to me had an abortion at 15, didn't tell her parents and after bleeding heavily for 3 months finally said something though not about the abortion, and was taken to her doctor and was treated. Fortunately the bleeding wasn't heavy enough to have put her in the hospital or killed her, but it emphasizes the importance of having a complete medical history). I don't remember where we went from there - I didn't get into my personal feelings on the issue, though we agreed by the end of the conversation that being "too young" or poor or addicted to drugs, etc didn't mean the baby wouldn't have a good life, in fact it didn't impact whether the baby 'should' be born or not. She also restated how much she loves her grandchildren and Life (she raised one of her grandchildren for almost 10 years before her daughter got back on the straight and narrow).

The conversation left me with the feeling that a lot of "pro-choicer's" feel similarly. To them abortion isn't about the baby, it is about personal freedom. They fear losing the ability to make their own choices, so they defend the supposed 'right' for someone to murder a baby. I wonder how she feels about criminals being tried for 2 murders when a pregnant mom is killed, or about the history of Planned Parenthood (esp the racial prejudices), or even about the huge percentage of girls and teenagers and minorities who end up being the ones to get abortions, then there is the whole issue of the federal government giving money to organizations like Planned Parenthood and paying for medical insurance that provides abortions for the poor (which it does right now). There may be another time to discuss these things with her, or I can drop little hints like suggesting she watch MAAFA 21 next time I see her...so many options...

I also wonder how much farther the Pro-life movement will get if we can focus on getting the government to mind its own business - or at least approach some Life issues from that point of view (even if Pro-life is not mentioned at all). As the tea parties and town hall meetings have been demonstrating, people are sick and tired of the government telling them what to do, how to think and taking their hard earned money against their will to use it as it wants. People recognize the lack of difference between Democrat and Republican, they want more control over their lives and money and they want real representatives in the government. What a fantastic time to win people over to the side of getting the government out of Life decisions.

I am reminded of a Zomblog (Libertarian blogger) post a friend told me about recently that said in relation to National Healthcare:

"under normal circumstances I would sigh in mystification and let other people go their merry way, killing themselves with bad food. Yet once I start to ponder the overwhelming society-wide medical costs of keeping millions of unhealthy people alive for decades and decades, my anger grows. I want to ban advertisements for unhealthy foods on TV. I want to outlaw donuts. I want to tax McDonald’s to cover the full environmental cost of their products. I want to do all sorts of quasi-fascistic things that normally I would never advocate.

Because that’s what socialized medicine does: it turns each of us into a little fascist. A nagging nanny who tells other people what to do and how to live."


I tend to agree with this point of view on many, many issues. You cannot successfully legislate personal responsibility, or a change in attitudes and opinions. By getting the government to step back and put power back into the hands of the people - because they have no choice but to take responsibility for themselves and their children, I believe we can get back onto the track laid by our Founding Fathers. Will there be drawbacks and people who fall through the cracks? Undoubtedly, and that is where Christians and other well meaning people and non-profits can step in and help, it is where they have helped for years and the money not taken in taxes will come back to communities who can do so much more with less money than is currently being spent by the federal government on social services.



I know I do not have a lot of experience in this area, so my political ideas may be off on what can/should be done - and will likely change as I learn more and pick up newer ideas. However, these were just random thoughts that came to me today that I wanted to write down.


Below is the 1st clip of the MAAFA 21 documentary. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it.

OK, Maybe that Wasn't the Best Deal to Make...

On our way home from Mass yesterday my 11 year old was complaining about giving up treats for Lent (something we haven't done before), so I reminded him Sundays and Feast days are ok for small treats. Being the kind of child he is, he said there were Feast days almost everyday, so that is a foolish rule. After some more discussion back and forth, I told him that if he can find a Saint and tell us about their life and why they were special, then we would celebrate that day as a Feast day. I did add the caveat that he has to have the information mostly memorized, he cannot just read from a webpage, so hopefully the 11 year old's laziness will limit the number of Feast days we have during this Lent.

Worst case, he learns a lot about various Saints who normally do not have their Feast days celebrated - and I find another way for us to fast during Lent.

How Do We Learn?

I have always loved the comparison of learning to walk with any other learning in life. I very much see learning as something we are naturally made to do. We will not all pick up the same things nor learn in the same way, but whether we like it or not we are all learning all the time.

A baby learns to walk not by official lessons and textbook reading, but by exploration and being allowed to fail over and over until they get it right. Babies have different ways of starting out, some crawl on hands and feet, some cruise, some just get up and walk, and they do it at different times some at 8 months, others at 16 months or even later. However they approach walking, all of the ones physically able to will eventually figure it out because they see most people around them walking and are allowed to explore it in their own way. When they finally manage to get on 2 feet they will fall a lot. It takes time to work out balance and get comfortable with walking, yet there are few parents who would criticize every misstep or fall. Overwhelmingly, parents are supportive and excited that their baby is trying. They don't focus on how many times the child has fallen, but count the steps taken. They focus on the positive and almost ignore the failures - even though the failures far outweigh the successes. When a parent is concerned or upset that their baby isn't walking at the 'right' time, they are reassured by grandparents, doctors, friends, etc that there is a range for a reason and it will be ok. How I wish society approached education and learning in general this way.

When it came to reading and writing, I ended up taking a count-the-steps-taken approach with my dyslexic who has been free to work on reading and writing as she wants for almost her entire education. I say almost because we didn't start homeschooling with that approach in mind. I had been a preschool teacher with the nifty little college certificate, so I "knew" how to teach. Ariana struggled with writing her letters as the lessons wanted, so we switched to other games and lessons and then others still to try and get letter names and sounds covered. The problem was, she could not 'get it' in a reasonable amount of time (on top of being dyslexic she is also a perfectionist and doesn't like to be wrong). After a few weeks of both of us almost ending up in tears as we struggled through the letters and numbers, I realized I either had to give up on homeschooling altogether or change my approach. I suppose it helped that Ariana was in a Girl Scout troop of mostly unschoolers, so they were very supportive of a different approach. I backed off, read to her every day, read on my own for pleasure (as did her dad) and waited for her to show an interest in reading and writing. Due in part to the damage done in the beginning, she didn't approach me with reading or writing for years, but she made progress on her own.

As she had more interest in what she saw in the books we read, she started writing little notes or stories of her own. First it was mostly pictures to convey what she was trying to say, then she would sound out words and spell them very badly (a lot of the odd spelling came from a little girl we babysat who was not afraid of being wrong - which rubbed off on Ariana a bit). I was so excited that she was writing that I didn't worry about the spelling when she proudly showed me her work. I suppose the written notes that she would deliver to her siblings and to me and her dad started when she was about 7. The homeschool Girl Scout troop occasionally had assignments where the girls would present their gathered information however they chose, whether through drawings, acting it out, writing it or just talking about it. So Ariana began adding writing to her pictures for those activities as well. She picked up things from the older girls (or group had girls from age 5 to 12 altogether) when they worked in groups, and no one worried about correct grammar or spelling - the girls figured it out through trial and error as they read what they wrote to each other and to the group. By 10 Ariana still spelled things pretty badly (though much improved over her 7 year old spelling), but she was starting to ask how certain words were spelled so that she could get it down correctly.

About that same time (age 10) Ariana discovered audio books and was so fascinated with the stories that she started picking up books to try and figure them out (she had the basics down from writing practice). Her vocabulary improved and things like sentence structure and story-telling really blossomed. Now at 13 she adds to a private journal regularly, always has something she is reading as well as something she is listening to. Recently she finished Ender's Game (on audio) and really enjoyed it and understood the more complicated themes within the book. When I am done reading Ender's Shadow I will pass it along to her in case she wants to read it. Ariana's spelling has also improved over time. She cares about what she writes and wants the reader to know what she is saying, so she takes her time and if necessary asks how to spell certain words. She rarely misspells a word and while her penmanship and writing speed could use work, she really has figured out the basics and enjoys writing - though she is probably writing at a bit lower level than her public school peers (not knowing kids her level in public school makes it hard to tell).


When I compare that to my sister's experience with dyslexia in public school it is like night and day. My sister was facing being moved to the special education classes for 2nd grade because she hadn't learned to read yet (there were no programs for dyslexia then), so her 1st grade teacher worked with her after school and my mom paid hundreds of dollars a month (that we didn't have) to a tutor to help my sister learn to read. She made it, though barely and she never liked reading or writing. She struggled through high school and got Bs and Cs with the occasional A (usually for art, drama or other creative subjects), and only in her mid 20s discovered that she liked reading books. She told me she was 23 before she willingly picked up a book and finished it just because she wanted to.


I knew I didn't want to push my oldest into the kind of frustration and damage caused by what my sister went through, so I let go. I let go of what I assumed to be important in her education and trusted that she would get it at some point. I did my best to provide an environment where reading and writing were used everyday in useful ways as well as for pleasure, so Ariana saw and experienced the value of reading and writing everyday. Just as with walking, she saw it was important and strived to figure it out because of the example she saw around her not just from her parents, but from friends and in the world at large.

40 Trash Bags for Lent

The idea is to get rid of 40 bags of stuff from around the house during Lent. I did reasonably well last year, and I hope to actually reach 40 bags this year. This fantastic idea came from Simply Catholic, and I may even join in the "support group" officially this year.

The catch for this year is that I am almost on bedrest right now. Apparently moving and fixing the couch was a bit too much, and my body cried "Uncle!" the next day. I can still be up and moving around, but I cannot lift much and am supposed to rest more than anything else. I also managed to catch a cold that has now become a sinus infection so I really need to work on the rest thing. My midwife is ok with a home birth at 36 weeks (though she emphasized 37 is better) with my history, so I figure there are only 6 weeks left, then I can get back to the normal routine.

So, I get to try and gather 40 bags without lifting or moving around too much. I love a challenge. The kids will be helping quite a bit I am sure, and I will try and rope my husband in too. Worst case I can finish the 40 bags in the last 9 days of Lent...well...maybe not finish, but at least make a dent.

My oldest has a friend coming to help her finish her room, since painting is not something I can do right now, and hopefully it will get done or very close to it by the end of the weekend. I'm sure while moving her into the new room we will find some things to put in the bags.

Then of course there are the clothes, the 10 or so boxes I have set aside in the garage and the 8 falling apart boxes of stuff that Jeff hasn't looked at in years...

Something New

My kids used to love Spelling Time back when they were small and it was free. Since then the kids have bugged me about when they will get to do it again, so I decided to try out a month of the new program that offers 4 classes in exchange for my review. We are looking forward to how the next month goes! Here is the disclaimer for me to get the kids started:

I’ve been invited to try Time4Learning’s online curriculum for one month in exchange for a candid review. My opinion will be entirely my own so be sure to come back and read my experience with Time4Learning’s educational program. Click to find out more or if you would like to apply to be considered for a review.

Nature vs Routine and Schedules

This article about forming good habits in children was posted on one of the Homeschool groups I belong to, and I figured I'd post my thoughts here as well as to that group. I am not opposed to schedules and routines, and as I've said before I have seen the good that can come from them and try to keep up with some form of a routine within my own home. However, to me this article (while it doesn't openly specify "schooling") implies that "school" is one of the things that must fit in the little box allowed in the daily routine. I have seen so many homeschool families struggle because they feel that pressure to make the daily routine work, so I took this as a challenge to which I had to reply.

I agree with Mr. Michael's premise, but his conclusions make me wonder if he has any children or has had any kind of regular interaction with children.

We all need routine. We need to know what to expect and kids especially need to have things they can rely on (like Mom and Dad are going to stay together until "death do them part"). However, in the article the main arguments seem to be based upon natural rhythms more than man-made routine. Nature is cyclic and this universe created by God for us, is designed to meet our needs (or you can take the evolution POV that still concludes we are very much designed to live on this world). We know Spring follows Winter and that day will follow night and this knowledge brings us comfort and helps us plan our survival without relying on animal instincts. Routine, however, is a man-made creation that allows us to utilize natural rhythms to their fullest extent. With routines people have been able to care for their families and communities through farming and creating/selling goods which leads to robust civilizations.

It is great to strive for as much routine as fits for your family, but keep balance in mind. Just as the seasons have variations (summers too hot that kill all the plants needed for harvest or too cold so not enough grows) so do our lives. You have to be flexible to deal with illnesses, a new baby, visitors for an extended period, a job loss, etc, and you have to keep our modern age in perspective. As much as I love the idea of living in small communities where we grow a lot of our own food, raise our own animals for food and/or clothing and trade with neighbors for anything else we need, I do not believe all the trimmings of "Modern Society" are evil or bad.

We have doctors who can cure many illnesses that used to kill people, esp children. We have engineers and scientists who have created a safer building, car, better farming practices so that things like the Dust Bowl are unlikely to happen again. If those brilliant researchers and inventors had had to dedicate their lives to farming just to feed their own families, would we really be better off? Also, the internet allows us to stay connected in many ways. We can learn about the latest advances in science, medicine, etc; follow what the Pope (or Archbishop) has to say on issues or situations; learn more about our Church and Faith; keep in touch with family and friends who have had to move away for one reason or another and so on. These are not bad things, however, if you spend most of your days obsessing over these things (even learning) or looking up things that diminish your soul instead of enhancing it, that is bad and can be evil.

Having all the options offered by modern technology puts us in the situation where there are no natural rhythms, so as a parent you have to be that much more vigilant to make sure you don't neglect those natural rhythms, nor the routines that allow us to use those rhythms to their fullest extent.

It is wonderful to have a "school schedule" with all your daily subjects, the Liturgy of the Hours and daily Mass as well as meals intertwined perfectly every day, but it really isn't feasible for most families - nor should it be if you look at the way nature is designed. Any homeschooling parent will tell you that you cannot expect your kids to be able to think or behave the same way in Winter as they do in Spring or in Summer. We are very much creatures of this Earth (remember designed for us by God), and therefore have cycles in how we think, sleep, exercise and play.

I am not saying to disregard the article, I think it is right on in many ways and we should utilize as much as fits our unique family situations. Just don't feel like you have to over-do it or use the same routine every day of the year. Keep the natural rhythms Mr. Michael talked about in mind - planting and tending in Spring, more vigorous tending and harvesting/preserving in Summer moving on to preserving/preparing in Fall and preparing for the next year as well as resting in the Winter.

For a homeschooling family it may look more like: in the Summer, let the kids stay up later, include them in projects around the house and/or garden and let them be outside being very physical. In the Winter let them sleep in a little later, rest a little more and use that time to work on things inside (cooking/cleaning skills, sewing and other repair skills, book work if that works for them, classes or other opportunities to be with other kids, etc) and Spring and Fall are nice times to transition between the two using a little of both.

Don't feel like you have to stick to anything like that for your own family, just keep in mind your kids' natural cycles (as well as your own) and adjust the routine to fit that time in your life whether it is for a few days, weeks, months or years, and don't feel like you are going to irreparably damage your children if you don't have a daily routine that is the same year round.

Burnout and Motivation

Two issues have come up recently that made me think about how I homeschool and raise my kids. A post on Amongst Lovely Things about burnout/winter blues as well as a secular support group discussion on motivating your kids to do school work/chores. The motivation discussion has two schools of thought. One is that the carrot/stick or "logical consequences" is best, while the other group as best as I can tell believes in finding solutions for kids who are unmotivated. Burnout and the motivation question are related in that they both deal with kids not interested in what you as the teacher and parent want them to do, and the suggested solutions are pretty similar for both.

Once again I find myself not agreeing with either side, but somewhere more in the middle. I should start by saying that I am not a good housekeeper. I struggle with schedules and have few routines that stick, and routine is the only way I have found to maintain a clean house, regularly prepared meals, etc. I am also not particularly fond of busy work and constant repetition for kids in their schoolwork. I also tend to avoid the annual burnout homeschoolers experience - though the lack of motivation thing happens more often than I like to deal with.

Every time things like this come up, I go back to my homeschool mission statement which has changed over time and boils down to:

At the end of our homeschool journey, my goal is for my kids to
1, have a strong Catholic foundation (meaning they know and understand their faith) and
2, can find any answer they seek.

I used to have "love of learning" in there too, but I accept that not all kids are going to love the process of learning and that is ok (though at this point none of my kids seem to be headed that direction). Of course there are short term goals the kids and I set, but as a guiding star I always come back to those 2 things. If what I am doing or worrying about does not fit, then I let it go.

Unschooling fits into this by allowing us the freedom to decide what works based upon our own criteria and not what society or schools or family and friends around us think. Setting up a mission statement for me really was the best tip the "how to homeschool" books gave me. Knowing that everyone has a different mission also helps me recognize and accept that there is no one right way to homeschool. I do not believe that unschooling is for everyone just as I do not believe school-at-home is for everyone. A parent knows what their child needs far better than any stranger, even if the parent ends up not meeting their kids' needs, the damage done by a loving parent is far less than the meddling of a well-meaning stranger. That said, I do offer my opinion when asked for by a parent though I try to make sure I don't say anything in front of the kids that would cause problems for the parents (one of the many reasons I love being able to send emails), and I do talk about my own views on schooling in front of my own kids and other parents who tend to agree with me.

Where I run into strife with other homeschoolers is my belief that it would be beneficial for more parents (and schools) to see the damage done by the current assumptions of the "best" way for kids to learn. I have seen the negatives to forcing kinesthetic learners to sit at a table and do timed worksheet after worksheet because the textbook says it is important, or the slower learner/burnt out child who just can't wrap their head around a concept, yet have to push through it because the curriculum says they have to have certain facts memorized in a certain grade, or the child passionate about a subject who has to wait until it is in the prescribed curriculum before they can learn about it. Fortunately those cases in homeschooling have been very, very rare. Most parents (even devoted boxed curriculum school-at-homers) at some point can see when their kids (and mom) need to take a break and/or change the way they do things. However, I have seen parents get frustrated enough to send their kids back to school (or to school for the first time) when they run into those kinds of obstacles, I was there myself at one point - though it was very early on and I am grateful that I let go of my preconceived notions about schooling before burning out (mostly thanks to the unschoolers in my daughter's Girl Scout troop).

While I may allow my kids to study academics at their own pace and in their own way, I am not so laissez faire about other areas of the kids' lives. There are moral and ethical rights and wrongs, as well as skills they have to learn for survival in our modern world - whether they want them or not. We have chores the kids must do and consequences when they do not do them. Everyone in the house has to pull some weight to keep things going. Laundry has to be sorted and washed then folded and put away, dishes must be cleaned, things need to be picked up so that no one slips and hurts themselves, etc. We re-evaluate the chores about once a year or more often if there are major issues with getting them done and the kids choose what they will be responsible for - starting with the littler ones. I suppose there is a carrot/stick aspect to it because chores must be done for me to consider allowing things like spending the night at a friend's house or video game time, but even that is not consistent because video games are rarely played by the kids even when chores are done daily (now my husband is a whole other story!). If the kids sign up for a class or agree to help someone, then they will be there - no matter how much they don't want to go the day of, and they will have a good attitude about it. If they complain or give me too much trouble before getting there, then the next time a class comes up we don't do it. I tell them that if they are going to whine or complain then I don't want to take time to drive them and others don't want them around. I suppose you could call it "logical consequences" too.

The idea of positive solutions instead of consequences feels off to me. If the issue is something that only affects the child, then that is one thing, but when the whole family must suffer because a child doesn't want to help, then that is different. I suppose allowing the kids to choose their chores and re-evaluating everyone's responsibilities if there are problems may be "solutions", at least I hope that is where they were going.

Some of the people seemed to be saying that forcing your kids to do chores through coercion or rewards was as damaging as using those tricks to get them to do schoolwork. The ethic taught is if you do what others want, then you get what you want. The child doesn't learn to work because it is important or necessary or can be fun, they do it for rewards and it means nothing to them. If that is what they were saying, then I can sorta see where they are coming from, but again it is the difference between something that only affects the child (doing schoolwork or not) and something that affects the whole family. When my kids are old enough to see that writing is valuable and they initiate practicing it they are learning it to better themselves and will work hard at it, however, if someone else picks up the slack and does the dishes, laundry, etc while they do nothing then they are not really impacted. I suppose small families may be different that larger ones in that regard. If you have a small family there is less to do, so maybe it is easier?

Just to clarify the way I "do school" that circumvents laziness is while I am always willing to help the kids with learning to do things themselves, I do not do their writing, math conversions, etc for them. If they want to be able to do something then they have to work for it within reason. For example, I will spell words once or twice and add it to our dictionary posted in the dining room and they have to find it on their own after that. I may help with a tricky conversion with cooking, but mostly I let them figure it out. I help with reading a few words in an assignment or book or game, but they must do most of the reading on their own once they have the basics down. I do read stories to all the kids regardless of their ability, but that is a family bonding thing more than for lessons. If the kids come to me with questions about why something is the way it is I usually ask them what they think and talk about theories (mostly science) or opinions (mostly history). I make them work for the knowledge they have, which they are mostly used to though sometimes complain about.

The mantra I tend to suggest to parents struggling with homeschooling (or motivation or chores) is "Why?" Why are you or your child struggling? Why does it matter so much to you? Why are you homeschooling in the first place? Why are you using the curriculum or chores you are? Why do your kids do schoolwork or chores the way they do? Is there another way to do it? OK, so that last question is not a Why, but it still fits. I have found that whatever your reason for homeschooling, whatever your style of homeschooling, going back to the basics and asking yourself a few Why questions gets you back on track. Even if that track is a structured by-the-book kind of schooling, just reminding yourself why you are doing this helps.

Busy, Busy!

While I haven't managed to finish a whole lot, I have been working on several projects and the ones I have managed to finish are fulfilling.

Ariana's room still needs to have texture put on the rest of the ceiling and then have a coat of paint put over it when it dries, then the floor goes down and she can move in! Grandma got sick 2 days into her visit and wasn't able to help much - but she did work for about an hour while the Tylenol had her fever down. I figure a full day of work to finish texturing and painting and another day to lay the floor. We'll get there soon.

While my long-time friend Diana was here for a visit last week we started sorting through the stored clothes, and I found that I am more than covered for a boy or girl pretty much through adulthood, or whenever they start having strong opinions about what they will wear. I took 4 yard debris sized garbage bags full of clothes that were stained or really worn or ones I just really didn't like (too 'mature' for little girls or sayings like "Girls Rule and Boys Drool", etc) to Goodwill. Then I have another 12 or so 13 galleon bags of clothes that weren't my favorites that are set aside potentially for a garage sale - and that was just the 1st time through size newborn-12. I have all the 14/16-adult sizes to still go through (including all the things Jeff and I will never wear again), and I have to go through the smaller sizes again. I am trying to limit the clothes to 1 18 galleon tote for each size for each sex (ie 1 2t tote for boys, 1 2t tote for girls, 1 for each in 3t and 4t, etc). I will have 27 totes when I narrow it down to that, and it is still too much since coats, snow clothes and shoes are not included, but it is a step in the right direction. At this point I have to get rid of about an 18 gal tote worth of 2t and 4t boys and 2t, 3t and 4t girls and I have to count out things to see if 6/6x, 7/8 and up can fit enough clothes in a single tote to work. My goal is to try and make some money off the clothes at a garage sale (or maybe two) since having an unemployed husband makes me see the $ as a way to keep the savings from disappearing completely. Plus, I told the kids if they help, they get a portion of the sales for themselves. If the garage sale thing gets too daunting or if/when things just aren't moving, then I will take it to our homeschool group and let people take whatever they want, then take the rest to Snowcap or another organization that offers things at a price poorer people can actually afford (unlike Goodwill and Salvation Army as far as clothes go). Being realistic, if I can't manage to get the garage sale thing together before April when Baby Riggs is due, then I will just let the junk go. While the $ would be great, not having the burden of stuff is better. Lots to do on this, probably 4-5 full days of work to get just the clothes finished.

Then of course I have 3 or so big boxes of toy sets that have all their pieces, several more boxes of VHS and misc junk and 8-10 boxes of misc collectibles and things Jeff (and I) have had for years that need to be condensed and possibly sold. He has already started selling video games to pay for newer games - made $95 there so far. I know recent video games are significantly different than misc junk, but I like the thought of turning our clutter that is just sitting in the basement into $. I don't expect a lot and just like with the clothes, I will dump it if the garage sale thing ends up more hassle than it is worth.


I fixed the leak in (well actually out of) the bathtub and figured out where the kitchen sink is leaking from (still have to fix that) and the most likely culprit for the bathroom sink issues. Once I replace the kitchen sink and faucet (mid-end of Feb if all goes well), I can use the remaining caulk to fix the bathroom sink and touch up the bathtub to make sure there are no more leaks.


I managed to finish a retreat this weekend that was very interesting and enlightening - I even did my homework during the week long break between part 1 and 2. It was quite valuable to see how the whole set up for that homeschool group was further developed and a solid direction was chosen for the future of the group. I am excited to see how these changes will affect the group in this next year. Yes, I am taking notes on what worked, what hasn't and my suspicions as to why which will help me with new groups down the road. I suppose on one hand it is bad to be watching as if it were a maze and they were the lab rats, but since I am right there running with them (though still maintaining enough distance to see the big picture) maybe it isn't so bad?

At the end of the retreat we squeezed in an affirmation exercise where people said positive things about each attendee. It was humorous that the first word used to describe me was "unique". I seem to remember "intellectual," "knowledgeable" and something about "bringing people together" and/or "being memorable" and "keeping people on task," but "unique" sticks with me. I like that. Those kind of exercises are not ones I look forward to because I find them awkward, but I understand their value esp to emotional/empathetic people. I guess it was nice to hear what people thought about me too. It at least lets me know that I am not too far off in my own assessment of the image people have of me.


A huge YEA! was getting the couch situation resolved. I haven't bought a couch ever. Since they are well used when we get them, they tend to last about 3 years before they are literally falling apart and need to be replaced. This last couch was dead before we got it (we were told the couch was a nicer newer one, and after a friend's brother picked it up as a favor we discovered that it was pretty bad), but since it was in better condition than the one we had, we traded up with the intention I would finish rebuilding the arm of the nice couch in the garage (another one given to us) soon. Well, that was 3 years ago. I actually at one point had the arm almost finished and then the kids walked on it because the couch had junk piled on it and they couldn't see/didn't care and demolished the work I had done. Rather frustrated I gave up and said we would just go to Salvation Army (where we had some store credit) and get a replacement and take the one in the garage along with the one in the house to the dump. 3 things I didn't consider: 1, most people (or at least the ones who donate) had pets which means the couch had hair all over it or smelled like animals and therefore had dander (both major allergy issues); 2, more than half the couches were hide-a-beds which made them too heavy for my pregnant self, my dad with back problems and my husband to move on our own; and 3, because couches cost so much new even Salvation Army charges $200-$400 for a couch. There were exceptions to the rule including a bunch that were in the $150-$175 range, but those were either covered in hair, hide-a-beds or both. We did manage to come on a 50% off day, which made the prices more reasonable but Jeff and I decided it would be more trouble than it was worth to try and make something work. We ended up deciding to bring the couch from the garage in putting the broken arm next to the wall. My dad helped us get the old couch out and broken down enough to fit in his truck and the garage couch in. Then he helped me get the arm as patched together as we could. We replaced the bent wood screws and added bracing to the ends with chunks ripped off (it would have been better to get whole new pieces of wood, but not now) so it works. It is not very sturdy and I have a feeling we will end up with an armless couch down the road since both arms were not put on very well in the first place, but we have a couch completely covered in upholstery! Unlike the one we just got rid of that was mostly wood with a little cardboard, literally. I would very much like to shampoo the couch since it picked up quite a bit of dirt sitting in the garage for 3 years, but it is comfortable and works for now. I know that cleaning it wouldn't last anyway - one of those guarantees about having a house full of children, there will always be dirt and whatever the kids touch will end up covered in dirt. Besides, there are many things I'd rather put my energy towards than keeping the couch clean.


I've also made some great progress on the plan for setting up/dividing up the one large homeschool group and I have swayed others to see how this is a good thing. A few more people to volunteer in leadership positions and some more information from more seasoned homeschoolers, and I am ready to take the plunge and see how it all unfolds.


It is exciting and energizing to see all the progress I've made in the last month. There is more to do, but I am confident that at least some of it will get done before Baby Riggs becomes the center of my attention.

3 months to go!

Whoo Hoo!!! Third Trimester today (depending on the kind of calendar you look at anyway)! Just a few days ago I commented that I thought I was only 24 weeks, then I actually paid attention to the pregnancy counter widget and discovered I was off by quite a bit. That explains why I have had to eat smaller meals, breathing is more difficult and I can't pick things up from the floor as easily.

I don't think I paid much attention with the last few pregnancies to what trimester I was in, but the widget makes paying attention easier and more fun.

Ingredients

I'm going to end up seeing everything with network/community glasses now, but I think there is enough good information for it to be beneficial.

Thus far the homeschool groups I have belonged to:

A Girl Scout troop was really at the center of this group. Everyone had different beliefs and few belonged to any organized religion and the average family size (excluding me) had 2 children. However, almost all of us were unschoolers or were close to it. The friends I had within that group supported me as I figured out the best schooling for my family (I started with the group the 1st year of homeschooling). When the Girl Scout part of the group fell apart, everyone pretty much ended up going their own way. I do miss some of the people and I see others in other groups, but our purpose together as a group really is done.

Then I joined a large secular metro group I've never done a whole lot with. They have an annual conference and curriculum sale (which I've never attended), and I've gotten ideas from them on various curriculum, advice, etc. I've gone on a few field trips because of someone hosting or just because it sounded interesting. It really does feel like a network though. There aren't any personal connections and you might find a good close friend out of the 200 or so families that belong, but it doesn't feel like that is the purpose of the group.

After a while, someone had the brilliant idea of creating a support group specifically to serve people living in a small geographic area. I thought this was great and jumped in right away. I watched as they discussed, debated and drew up plans for what their group would be. Fresh from my Youth Ministry work, I offered ideas and tried to keep them focussed on serving the community of homeschoolers and not an elite few. To say my ideas were met with resistance would be a bit of an understatement. We had I think 10 volunteers on a "board" working to figure out what the group would offer, and I think I was the only one who talked to actual homeschoolers in the community who were interested in the group. I had 4 members of the board as well as myself who felt strongly that anything being offered needed to allow for those who were not interested in classes (a school outreach program that allowed homeschoolers to take several classes a week had recently been cancelled and half of the board ended up being parents who missed that program and were facing their 1st year as real homeschoolers), and there should not be any religious doctrine as part of the group (if someone wanted to have a religious class that was up to them, but as a whole it would turn people off to spout bible quotes every 2 sentences within the purpose of the group). There was even 1 or 2 people who were relatively neutral on the topics, but 2 of the remaining 3 were technically the leadership of the group. While debating the value of offering a free or pay per event option (which they strongly opposed because insurance costs were so high and they felt everyone should contribute whether taking classes or not) as well as arguing for a per family instead of a per child charge (to which the leader's 2nd also her sister-in-law replied that she shouldn't have to "subsidize" larger families who are using a larger portion of the resources), I tried to get a firm answer on the board's power. I wanted the board to be able to vote to make decisions, but the leadership kept putting off my concerns. Then at the next get-together, the board was informed that we were officially set up as a non-profit with the leader having sole ownership and control of the group. The board was essentially a group of volunteers with no power. Of course it was not stated that way, we were told that all our concerns would be taken into account, but the leader would make the final decision. At that point I was frustrated enough to step down as did 2 others who shared my views. I followed the group a bit, and watched as they struggled first with having enough people to be able to pay for expenses, raised their rates and changed class structure (so that you had to have your child in 3 classes at a time and you didn't get to choose what they were) to look more and more like school. Then they had trouble finding space. It turns out that if you are a private school and/or charter and can pay more for the space, you get it - even though as the leader pointed out she was a member of the church and had helped raise the funds to build the classrooms. Oh well. Once they lost their space and had few people re-enrolling the leader felt "called" to a job opening and left the group. The really sad thing is many of those families who were interested in the classes ended up putting their kids back in public school. I don't think there are many left officially part of that group anymore, though occasional field trips are announced.

Once I left the above group, I decided to start another group that would definitely qualify as a network. It was much like the large metro group, but just for my side of town. We announce various things, go together for field trips, have park days (and a game and craft group during winter), ask advice, etc.

I'm sure there are other groups here and there that I missed, but those are the big ones that felt very network like. They were impersonal, and had a single purpose and once the purpose was no longer my focus, all those people fell out of my life.


I believe what HR has is different in several ways. For one it is a Catholic group, just by being Catholic and homeschooling we have a whole lifestyle that doesn't fit with any other group the same way. The biggest "problem" we are having now is people who are not homeschooling anymore or who will never homeschool, but are a big part of the parish, want to be part of the homeschool group because we really are like an extended family. My training has me going back to the network-style set up where we enforce the policy and set rules based upon what is best for the "group" not necessarily the people within the group. I am wondering now if maybe there is a better way to go.

If the personal connections and support of ones convictions are what make HR different from the other homeschool groups, then there needs to be a way to support that. We will still set and enforce policy, but we have to keep that support at the center of everything.

It makes me lean more towards having an umbrella group that covers the whole metro area (so people can still have field trips, the newsletter, support meetings, a curriculum fair, etc) and smaller "satellite" groups where people can build those personal connections at a local level. The salellites will set their own rules for membership, so a parish can support the group however it wants. The important thing being that homeschoolers can offer and find the support they need on a personal level.

There is still a lot to work out, but it looks like the skeleton of this idea will work.

The Search for Community

One of my more recent projects is to figure out the best direction for a Catholic homeschool group that has reached the point in growth that something has to change. It truely is a great problem to have, but it is still concerning to try and find the best solution for everyone involved. Since the group has been around for 20 years, there are those who have graduated their kids or are almost done and their children are now starting to homeschool their own children as part of the group (and both want to remain part of the group even when not homeschooling). Plus the majority who found the group as the only Catholic homeschool group here and are somewhere in between. The biggest problem in having so many members is that it leads to what feels like too few people who are actually involved - becoming volunteers, coming to functions and meetings, etc. If you have 131 families (meaning a total membership closer to 700) in the group and only 15-20 come to the monthly support meetings and it is a struggle to get 30 kids to service projects, it feels like something is off.

When I worked in Youth Ministry, one of the things that stuck with me most was the idea that it isn't the numbers that matter, but the quality that the kids are getting. Having a program that is just "fun" will draw in many teens, but they never move forward in their faith nor as a community. Thus it is far more important to mix fun with learning and community-building, even at the expense of those greater numbers. The goal of the Church (based upon my certificate training) is to build community and call those young people into that Catholicism - to help them understand their faith and embrace it however God is calling them.

All these thoughts and more have been floating around in my head for a while with no real direction or connection. I have an idea of where I think the group should be headed, and even some thoughts on how to get there, but nothing that has felt complete.

Then, over the last few days I found myself re-reading "Dumbing Us Down" by John Taylor Gatto and I came across some interesting passages that make me think I've found another piece of the puzzle that is the solution for our group.

"An important difference between communities and institutions is that communities have natural limits; they stop growing or they die. There's a good reason for this: in the best communities everyone is a special person who sooner or later impinges on everyone else's consciousness. The effects of this constant attention make all, rich or poor, feel important, because the only way importance is perceived is by having other folks pay attention to you."

Gatto's focus is on "forced schooling" as an institution, and in the chapter I quote above he was pointing out the differences between networking, family and community. Institutions aka networks must continue growing or they die. Also, as networks grow they tend to replace the family (or at least try to by taking up all the time that should be spent together as a family), whereas communities support families, and families must be the foundation of a healthy society. The distiction between networks and communities is the key.

In many ways we have a community, but as we continue to grow, those personal connections are becoming more difficult to attain. However, that connection is what everyone seems to crave. It is what they are searching for and why they joined the group in the first place. So, now to start putting the pieces together to create something unique that can offer the kind of community we are all searching for...

Congressional Reform Act of 2010

I'm not a big fan of junk emails, but I really liked this one. I found it at Mommy Life, a Catholic mom with 12 kids, an interesting outlook and blog.

THIS IS HOW YOU FIX CONGRESS!

I am sending this to virtually all my close friends and relatives and that includes conservatives, liberals, and everybody in between. Even though we disagree on a number of issues, I count all of you as friends. The proposal is to promote a "Congressional Reform Act of 2010." It would contain eight provisions, all of which would probably be strongly endorsed by those who drafted the Constitution and the Bill of Rights (but not the incumbents).

I know many of you will say, "this is impossible." Let me remind you, Congress has the lowest approval of any entity in Government, now is the time when Americans will join together to reform Congress - the entity that represents us. We need to get a Senator to introduce this bill in the US Senate and a Representative to introduce a similar bill in the US House. These people will become American heroes.. Please add any ideas on how to get this done.

Thanks, A Fellow American

***********************************

Congressional Reform Act of 2010

1. Term Limits: 12 years only, one of the possible options below.
A. Two Six-year Senate terms
B. Six Two-year House terms
C. One Six-year Senate term and three Two-Year House terms

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work.



2. No Tenure / No Pension: A congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they are out of office.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work.



3. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security: All funds in the Congressional retirement fund moves to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, Congress participates with the American people.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, server your term(s), then go home and back to work.



4. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan just as all Americans..

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work.



5. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work.



6. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career.. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work.



7. Congress must equally abide in all laws they impose on the American people..

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work.



8. All contracts with past and present congressmen are void effective 1/1/11. The American people did not make this contract with congressmen, congressmen made all these contracts for themselves.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work.


Now to figure out how to make this a reality...

4 Days to Go

T-Minus 4 days until family arrives and lots to still do. Time to make lists so that I can have a chance at getting most of it done. Now the big question - do I make adding to our pre-history timeline a priority or cleaning the house? Hmmm, impress the in-laws with obvious "school" work or with housekeeping improvements?

Unfortunately I've managed to catch the baby's cold. With family coming in next week and the house a disaster because I have spent so much time working on Ariana's room (which is almost done), I'm hoping to beat this by tomorrow.

I still have to go shopping, supervise and help get the house cleaned and lead the Homeschool Support meeting before they come. I would really like to finish straightening the garage, clean at least part of the basement and finish Ariana's room. Things that won't happen unless I can get over the worst of the cold.

Ariana's room is *almost* done! The dry wall is all up the 2nd coat of mud is on the last corner (3rd coat tomorrow). All that will be left Sunday is the final sanding of the walls, then we can paint (assuming we mix texture into the paint). I left it up to Ariana to decide if we will wait for family to help with painting at the end of next week, or if we will get it done sooner. I still have put in the breaker for the outlets, put in the door and the floating laminate floor, but that should be done in a day or two once the painting is finished. I think she is almost as excited as I am! I have to post some pictures before it is all finished.

I am already thinking ahead to working on the kitchen. If Ariana decides to wait on painting, I may have my dad help me get the new kitchen sink and faucet in this weekend. I have visions of being able to bathe Baby Riggs in the sink - something that doesn't work so well in the 1/2 section of stainless steel sink we have now.

It is interesting to me that instead of nesting by organizing and cleaning like I have in the past, my nesting involves construction on the house. I wonder if that will in any way reflect Baby Rigg's personality - either he/she wants/needs more space or is going to be a hands-on kinda person. I just have to remember not to push myself too hard.