One surgeon down one to go. Unfortunately I have to wait until the 30th for my other appt. So far I am not sold. I must be losing my edge too because I only asked one question with the "that's a good question" answer.

Why is it so hard for doctors to realize that people don't like being talked down to? Or maybe people like surgeons or doctors to talk down to them and I am just odd. I suppose he wasn't too bad. He literally talked down to Jeff and I with his arms crossed over his chest for a while even. Eventually he sat down and answered a couple more questions, but that was when I asked specifics about how the surgery would go and he had to be lower to show how they would cut.

I am not an idiot. I know that if I have cancer this is one of the better ones to get. However, just because "a lot" of people are on thyroid medication does not mean my concerns are unjustified. After I talk to the next surgeon I will have a better idea about some of the things that he said that were off to me too. My research indicated different percentages and to say things like I won't have take medication with a subtotal thyroidectomy seems almost like lying or being ill-informed. There is a chance that I won't have to, but it isn't even 50% from what I have read. I guess since this surgeon's opinion is to do a total thyroidectomy whether benign or malignant with radio-active iodine treatment if it is malignant, it doesn't matter if the remaining thyroid will work or not. Since the next surgeon specializes in thyroid and parathyroid issues and works at a teaching hospital I should get a good feel for whether I am off-base or the surgeon from today was.

I also didn't particularly appreciate being told that he sees far worse cases of cancer on a regular basis in a way that implied I was being unreasonable with not wanting to do things his way. Also humorous was "I'm sure we can manage to get the dosage correct" and then having to admit that he would have nothing to do with managing the medication. He was quick to brush off my questions about what anesthesia they will use (other than a 'general anesthesia') because medications are not his specialty, but he's sure "we" can manage to get the dosage correct. Yeah right. My mother who has hypothyroid has always had issues no matter what they do with her medication, but I suppose she is a 'special' case and chances are I would be fine despite the whole genetic link and my 'luck' being terrible.

As much as I am complaining, he wasn't too terrible. Possibly not up-to-date on thyroid issues, but since he is a general and oncologic surgeon I wouldn't expect him to be a thyroid specialist. I am not ruling him out for sure as my surgeon, I just need more information. He is open to emails, so I can get my questions answered and maybe his email-manner is better than his bedside-manner.

One positive thing I learned is the dye test is not a good idea for me with a nursing baby - nor is the radioactive iodine, but that battle doesn't need to be fought yet. I hadn't thought about how long the dye would be in my system and he let me know that those tests are so inconclusive they rarely bother with them for this issue anymore anyway.

Now I have to figure out if I keep my appt with my ND to talk about what I have learned so far and discuss options next week or if I should push it back until after I talk with the other surgeon.

I am also hoping to hear back from the acupuncture student. She was going to be working with an Endocrinologist today and said she would ask him about what I've got going on. Though I am more interested in what her acupuncture supervisor has to say.

I was recently diagnosed with a follicular neoplasm, which may or may not be malignant. At this point the next "step" is surgery. However I can't help but think of this as mutilating my body with a 70% chance of causing a life-long disease (hypothyroidism) for a 15% chance of removing a malignant growth. I am really struggling with the idea of being a slave to pharmaceuticals for the rest of my life on the off chance that I actually do have cancer. It makes me think of other medical practices we now call barbaric, but that at the time were considered normal. I know, I've heard "doctors have gone to school and do this kind of thing regularly and therefore must know what they are doing"... I just can't get on that bandwagon. It's not that I think doctors are unintelligent or willfully doing wrong (quite the opposite actually), it is that the whole medical system seems...off to me.

I am meeting with one surgeon tomorrow and I hope to get to meet with another by next week so that I can get their perspective. I am doing my best to be open to the best option out there with medicine as it is now. I will go through the motions for now and ask questions that will undoubtedly make the surgeons and doctors look at me funny (anytime I am in a situation where I have to deal with 'professionals' I always get at least one answer of "that is a really good question, I will have to get back to you") and we'll see how it goes. At least Jeff will be there to keep me grounded. I do tend to make drs uncomfortable when they find out that I am not the kind of person to do whatever they say without question.

I intend to continue working with the acupuncture student who originally diagnosed a problem (she is a Nurse Practitioner getting her LAc) as well as my family ND who knows me very well and delivered my last 3 babies, so that should help. Though I have a feeling both of them are more inclined towards Western medicine than I am.


Between having a new baby in April, my brother's sudden death this summer and now this I am feeling overwhelmed. God, I could really use a year or so of boredom in my life. I would even take no major crisis, or even just the usual stuff I've already been dealing with. I kinda wish this were like a movie where I could have my epiphany moment and then live happily ever after. I don't want or need more excitement, though I know it is coming whether I like it or not.

Whew! Finally blogger decided to let me sign in. I guess they decided to stop fighting people who have yahoo email addresses.

Though now the kids are up and needing attention. Hopefully next time I sign in it will work quickly.