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Monday, February 28, 2011

A Lot to Learn

This week I forgot, for a little while, to be first a good wife to my husband before worrying about trivial things like the condition of the house. I foolishly scheduled dentist and optometry appointments for almost all the children over the last 2 weeks, so the routine we are working to establish at home just didn't happen. When we don't stick to a routine, the house becomes a disaster and when the house is a disaster I get cranky. My brilliant plan to fix everything was to make the kids work on their chores over this last weekend between various activities. I figured it would help us start another busy week off right to have a clean house and I would feel a lot better. However I didn't consider my husband in all this, other than to assume he would, of course, help me keep the kids on task by sacrificing his tv time and helping me supervise.

It wasn't until Saturday evening that I realized my mistake. Jeff is a wonderful man, I could learn a lot from him. He truly is my knight in shining armor. He faces all the criticism of secular America from some members of his family, from people at work, pretty much anyone he talks to out in what he calls the "real world" for all the choices I have made for our family, yet he doesn't complain. He doesn't consider himself Catholic, doesn't have strong political opinions, and is content pretty much wherever he is and whatever he is doing. Yet he is a devoted father to 7 children, realizing there may well be more children in our future; he went along with my desire to buy a starter house that our family didn't really fit into with the hope that we could move in about 5 years into something bigger (in 2006 right before everything fell apart in the housing market); he is the sole breadwinner of our family working in a field he doesn't particularly like because that was the best job he could find to support us; he goes along with and listens while I complain/talk about my various passions (ie homeschooling/unschooling, alternative medicine, eating whole foods based on Nourishing Traditions, having strong Independent political opinions, being passionately Catholic and pro-life, etc); he became a Boy Scout Assistant Scoutmaster so that the troop could be started for our oldest son and parish and homeschool group; he went to school and struggled with working full-time, taking 2 classes at a time and still helping out around the house and taking kids to various events to get his AA degree just this last Spring because I wanted him to - and he never lets me feel the stress he is under. I have to really push him before I even get a glimmer of what he endures daily for our family. One of the very few outlets he has, one of his only passions is movies and video games which he wants to share with us as a family. Since I have strong opinions about everything, I really dislike the tv, but I try to let go on it for him (though I complain a lot). So when I plan for a weekend without tv, I am taking away the one place my husband can decompress from all the stress of the previous week. Yet he doesn't complain.

On Saturday he listened to the kids argue and fight over the chores they didn't want to do, tried to keep them on task, and took turns with me on running our weekend errands. Finally he went back to the bedroom for some peace and quiet and to be alone and I realized my mistake. On Sunday after Mass, but before I had to take Ariana to dance he got to squeeze in a movie at the theater, but then by the time we got home from dance it was time for bed. The weekend was over.

Here I sit on Monday with the house marginally better than it was on Friday, feeling like a fool for forgetting how lucky I am. Having the house clean is not worth the cost of our weekend. It is not worth the stress it puts on Jeff. I need to learn to relax a bit and let go if the reason the house is a mess is because I wasn't home to keep the remaining kids on task. I am thankful that I can stay home with the kids and homeschool, even if it is stressful from time to time. I am thankful that I get to choose my environment to be surrounded by like-minded families and read news from sources I agree with. Mostly I am thankful for a wonderful man who sacrifices so much for me and the kids without complaining about all he does. I have a lot to learn. I need to complain less and be thankful more. I need to plan better so that I am not overwhelmed, and I need to make sure we are home enough to stay on top of the chores so that when the weekend comes, we can relax and enjoy being together as a family.