The kids belong to 2 book groups, one younger and one 'tween' through our public library. We have been involved with them for a couple years now and have greatly enjoyed the social time as well as being exposed to some very interesting stories. There have been times that the books are not very good and we either skip them altogether or talk about them on our own before Book Group. I almost always go in with the kids and a few of us moms have gotten carried away with our own thoughts on the book - though we have gotten better about making sure the kids are the main ones talking. It has been a great experience overall.
I knew getting into this group that they were secular, and one of the other families was very secular - not openly anti-Christian or anti-religion, just not interested in religion at all, and the other one who came regularly had a Christian background and has no problem with religion, she just doesn't go out of her way to have it a part of her family's life. I have known the families in this group since we first started homeschooling and they helped me through those first rough years (meaning I have known them for about 9 years). We all unschool, so we have also had that in common and it has always been pleasant to be around them. When my oldest was in a homeschool girlscout troop, we saw these moms weekly and when the kids were in science classes at the local science museum and homeschool swimming, I got to see them three times a week for a couple hours at a time. One would assume these moms know me very well.
Since unschoolers unfortunately tend to be secular or even downright hostile towards religion, I have been used to being the odd-man-out in any group we are in. I am either the weird Christian or I am the weird Unschooler. It isn't too bad, it is how things are and I have no intention of changing to 'fit in' with either group.
But I digress, we always have a special craft at our December get-together so we were discussing what toppings could go on our hot cocoa cones, and candy canes came up. The leader of the group (not a mom, but a very nice lady who volunteers through the library), commented that once she 'found out' the meaning behind candy canes she could no longer eat them. Of course the question came up of what that meaning was and she said she hoped she didn't offend anyone, but candy canes are white for purity and red for the blood of Christ and she just couldn't eat them after that. The tension in the room went up as eyes turned to me to see if I would be "offended", and I honestly replied I have never liked candy canes. Hard candy and the type of mint they are just doesn't appeal to me. It bothers me that this was even an issue, with her or with anyone else in the group. I think it odd that you would stop eating something you liked because of a supposed meaning behind it that is so old very few people know or even care about that meaning, but I'm sure I have equally quirky things. Even more disturbing than the attitude of rejecting something specifically because of its Christian roots (though I'm sure her family finds some way to look past the Christian tradition of giving gifts and makes it their own), is the attitude that I might be the one to cause a problem about this. I was not really raised with any religion, my husband is not Catholic and most of my extended family is not Catholic - on my husband's side they are non-denominational and my side is mostly fallen away Catholic with my dad being New Age. I have never been one to judge the religious preferences of others nor to preach loudly about my own Faith. I am Catholic and I live my life in a Catholic way and raise my children to do the same. Anyone who knows me knows that I am very devoted to my Faith, but I had never gotten the impression that it was an issue. Of course the candy cane incident being an issue may be a fabrication of my 'fragile' hormonal state, but it still bothers me. I'm sure I will get over it, but I have visions of awkward situations in the future - esp next Book Group - where we all try to be ultra-PC and not 'offend' anyone. It didn't help that she wrapped up with, "Enjoy this holiday season however you celebrate it."
I would hate to lose the last ties to these unschoolers as I don't have any other unschooling friends to share with, and it is hard to share homeschooling frustrations and concerns with school-at-home types when philosophies are so different. We will see how it goes.
I suppose one could argue that the Holy Rosary and Holy Redeemer homeschool groups are ruining me! I have gotten used to talking about anything without holding back as well as celebrating Feast Days, sharing liturgical season traditions, talking politics, etc. I don't fit in perfectly with the groups (and find that I have to bite my tongue quite a bit when homeschooling styles comes up), but maybe I am becoming more sensitive to religious issues because I am immersed in these wonderful Catholic communities causing my normally thick skin to thin. If I had to choose unschoolers or Catholic, I will stay with the Catholic groups - though my ability to not comment on education styles may diminish as time goes on.
1 comment:
I think you had a more-than-amiable reaction. What a strange thing to have brought up in a setting like that. As a secular homeschooler myself, I can't imagine what I would do if someone said, "Well, I can't eat that because it's tied to something secular." How awkward for everyone involved. Even if that person felt that way about candy canes, they didn't need to demean someone else's religion by bringing it up. Our local homeschool group is inclusive, so we have dealt with some "awkwardness" ourselves trying to find the right balance between our beliefs/lack of beliefs, but it is a fun challenge - - and worth it! We talk about all kinds of issues like this at secularhomeschool.com, because we are always dealing with these challenges.
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