I just had a terrible dream (if I don't wake up on the verge of screaming it isn't a nightmare), and it got me thinking.

Should 'we' as parents, educators, etc be teaching our girls to be comfortable with saying "No" at the same time as protecting them from potentially bad situations? You don't have to tell a girl all the horrible aweful things that can happen to her in order to get her comfortable with saying "No." My boys are very good at it, and they use it frequently. However, I hear it much less from my girls. I have a friend whose husband wrestles with both of their young kids in part to teach their daughter that it is ok to say "Stop" or "No" and that whatever is going on should and will end when she says it. Back in the 60s, a step-relative who was a teenager got her first job and a certain boss was known to come by and grope all the girls standing in a line working, when he touched my relative, she, without thinking (to use her own words), dug her nails into his hand and scratched him rather deeply. She was then so terrified that she ran home, which led to having to explain to her parents what happened. Being a large Catholic Italian family led by a strong Dad, I don't know what happened to the boss, but I'm sure it was not pretty.

In my own experience, there are times where saying "No" would have helped, and times where it could have made things worse. I don't know what is better. At least with being comfortable saying "No" there is a chance that it will work. I suppose making sure the kids are not in situations where they are faced with that kind of choice is the best solution, but they do have to go out eventually. I am not proposing that 6 year olds need to start working on 'saying No curriculum', and I think my 12 year old daughter understands enough to know how to protect herself. I just still have visions in my head of the kind of attitude my sister had where it is "no big deal" and it "doesn't matter" because it was the only way she could cope with what happened to her. It is scary to think about how little we have control over in life. I wouldn't trade it though. Free will is worth the pain and suffering.

I suppose my dream convinced me that volunteering is still a few years off - which was something I was debating about. Though certain supervised groups we are in would be ok.