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Saturday, February 4, 2012

This is just what I needed to read this week:   Why I am No Homeschool Superstar

I too struggle with comparing myself and my homeschooling to that of others, which can be very depressing when I read the wonderful colorful cheery and abundant posts on any number of blogs.  There are times I am confident and optimistic, but then (usually after hearing or reading about how others are homeschooling) I start to question myself.  Mostly it is a matter of my pride.  I want to be able to brag about how wonderful/advanced/smart my kids are compared to others.  I want to be able to say that my kids are obviously smart and talented, but I know it doesn't have anything to do with them.  It is all about me.  I want to say those things because it makes me feel like I made my kids successful which is a lie both because I cannot make them successful and because success in our Western society is not real lasting success.  I suppose I should say it is only part of me that wants to be filled with pride, the other part of me wants to surrender to God completely and humble myself and teach my children to do the same.  It is not about me, it is not about them, it is all about Him.  He has a plan for them and if I am successful as a parent and teacher, then I will facilitate their discovery of that plan, and I know they will only be truly happy once they have found the path God intends for them.  That plan may look nothing like what society call success, but that is what I pray for them.

Several years ago I had a wonderful mom tell me that I should listen for and write down messages God is sending me in places like Mass.  I have heard these messages loudly and repeatedly, though only sometimes in Mass.  These messages are snipets here and there, a radio program I tuned in to for a few minutes for no reason or a speech I heard or something I read in a book or an email.  These touched me and have stayed with me.  It has become a bit of a mantra for me as these messages fit together so beautifully I cannot help but put them together.

"There will always be others who have MORE than I do.  More money, time, patience, space in their homes, cooperation in their families, things they can articulate clearly, intelligence, humbleness and holiness than I do.  But I have to show up anyway.  Despite my shortcomings, despite my trials and pain, I need to DO IT ANYWAY.  God provides for me all I need to follow the path he intends for my life.  All I have to do is surrender and trust that he has me and will not let me fall.  All I can do is to Fill-the-Jars with the meager "water" I have and He will turn it into wine - not for my glory but for His."

Fill-the-Jars is a story told to me a few months ago by Suzie Andres (author of the fantastic Little Way of Homeschooling which I highly recommend for anyone interested in homeschooling).  The story hearkens back to the Wedding at Cana where Jesus told the servants to fill the jars with water.  They did as they were told and Jesus turned the water into wine.  They didn't have to do anything other than follow His direction and a miracle occurred.  And so, in my life if I go where God directs and humble myself to His will, then He will take my meager efforts and turn them into something that glorifies Him. 

I just keep having to tell myself this every time I feel unworthy of all the responsibilities that have been entrusted to me.

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